when matt and i broke up last weekend the first thing my mom said to me was, "you're going to have your good days and your bad days. just remember that you'll get through it. you're a tough cookie!" (i kid you not about the tough cookie bit). today is a bad day. in fact, today has been the worst day post-break up yet. i don't feel like a tough cookie at all - i feel like a lump of emotional dough.
the "break up blues" are really starting to sink it. i feel as though i've lost one of my best friends and in many ways i have. i miss him so much right now. i'm worried that if i go to asia i'll ruin all chances of us getting back together. but then i think to myself, "wasn't this the entire point of our breaking up to begin with?" you don't just break up with someone to get back together with them again a week or so later. i guess i'm just starting to really feel what life is like without him. and right now it's very lonely.
i want to call him but i know that doing so will only hurt him more. unless i'm 150000% sure i want to get back together with him it'll just cause more harm than good. and after what i've put him through, as well as myself, there is no way i'm going to do that to either of us. i guess that just goes to show that this momentary blip is just that - a day long lapse in judgement.
one of my personal goals for myself was not to run from my emotions during this time, but to face them head on. but tonight i think i need a break from all of this sadness. so here's my game plan for the next 4 or 5 hours:
1. clean up kitchen (done) and room
2. go for a run on the treadmill downstairs (try for 30 mins.)
3. call parents about trip planning - they're nervous nellies when it comes to me travelling through asia on my own (done)
4. prepare visa applications for tomorrow morning (done)
5. write 1 page for negotiations group project
6. read global environment of business case for tomorrow
7. make lunch (done)