Thursday, November 20, 2008

a quickie

1. i binged today. although not huge. it was a 2 out of 10, or a fender bender if you will. hopefully my fender won't be bending outwards anytime soon. does that make sense? whatever. i had: 1 medium sugar-free yogen fruz with raspberries and blueberries (leave it to me to cave into my ice cream craving on 1 of the coldest days of the year), 2 cups grapes, 2 clementimes, and 12 Quality Street chocolates. to note: this did take place over the course of 3 hours, in the midst of which i made the 50 minute walk home from my friend's pad. also to note: friend is female. i am still very much alone in this winter wonderland.

2. 10 points left until sunday. cocktail party after work tmrw. one of my best friend's birthdays on saturday. twilight tickets for sunday. can i do it? why, yes i can! plan of attack: earn 3 activity points at tomorrow's workout to cover 1 glass of wine at cocktail part; earn 5 activity points on saturday via heavy-duty cardio to allow for 6 drinks at night (total 12 points - have to leave some room for a snack somewhere along the way); and, smartpop-it on sunday (besides, i'll be too busy drooling during the movie to eat).

3. i'm jealous of my friends with boyfriends. when it's winter, all i want is a boyfriend. and not just because my birthday and xmas fall within 2 weeks of each other (ca-ching, ca-ching! ahhh jeeze, givemeabreak - i'm kidding!), but because when it's cold outside, and i'm cold inside (dbc factoid of the day: i have poor circulation, which means i'm shivering even when it's sweltering out), all i want to do is snuggle up with someone by a fireplace and drink cocoa. not that this ever happened in my last relationship, or the 1 before that, or... ever really. but when i DO meet the perfect guy... well, you now know what we'll be doing when it's blizzzarding out. and it will be magical. and 150% non-sexual ;) because that's what perfect people in perfect relationships do right? right? no? you mean their virgins? stopping now...

4. i'm still being slammed by work.

5. my aunt is doing better - fingers crossed!! i. love. you. healthy thoughts your way.

6. my sugar high from 1,789,578,234 candies i had is starting to wear off and now i have a headache. owie!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

another day, another post

well hello there, world. it's me, dbc - you may not recognize me as i've spent the past 2 weeks under a rock, also known as the downtown toronto tower in which i work. i've been working morning, noon, and night - and when i'm not working, i'm recuperating from working. take this weekend, for example. 2 all nighters (wed. +thurs.) does not for a fun weekend make. in fact, the past 2 nights i've been in bed by 11 pm. i'm so wiped i couldn't even make it through an entire session with my personal trainer yesterday. i feel like such a wimp!

i wish i could say that work is the worst of my problems right now, but it's not - this week i found out that my very dear great aunt has ovarian cancer. now, don't let her status as my "great aunt" confound you - having grown up without any grandparents, she is the closest thing i've ever had to a grandmother, and that is what i consider her to be. unfortunately for my family, ovarian cancer isn't the most, hmmm, how to put this, "humane" of cancers - very little can be done once it spreads. and spread it has. it's a silent killer - 1 one minute you think you're fine (no symptoms, no nothing), and the next wham! you find out if you've had it for about 2 years. needless to say, i plan on spending my day with her in the hospital.

due to the obscene hours i've been putting in at work i've fallen off the bandwagon hard - and i mean HARD. in fact, it's more like the bandwagon ran over me a few times (reverse, drive forward, reverse, drive forward, ... repeat times 80) ok, ok, perhaps i'm being slightly melodramatic. at last sunday's weigh in i was down to 146.5 lbs (loss of about 0.6), but i couldn't face the music today - thursday through last night were miserable with a capital m. what's frustrating is that i wasn't even working yesterday and up until dinner i was 110% on track. but then one treat led to another which led to 4 fudgeos (ahhh, the delights of still living at home), which led to about a cup of chocolate fudge crackle ice cream. the whole time i kept thinking to myself, "why the eff am i eating this? i'm not even hungry! in fact, i'm still full from yesterday's binge fest!" but ate i did and now i need to get the eff over it. when i eat like that (not that i ate tons of food, but i ate mindlessly - without control), i still get really upset with myself. so, how can i prevent this from happening again? well, i'll tell you:

1. consider the emotional consequences first. although it may taste great at the time, it's really not worth it after the fact.
2. find other stress releases! distract, distract, distract. sure, bingeing may make my problems "disappear" temporarily, but it really only adds another one to the list in the long run. realize that it's not a solution - it's a diversion, and a negative one at that.

my first goal for this week is not to be perfect in my healthy habits, but to improve upon last week - baby steps always.

something i've realized about myself through all of this (excessive work, lack of social life, family troubles) is that when i'm not happy i don't take care of myself. i let the things that are truly important to me slip, which only exacerbates my fears. i need to stop this vicious cycle before it truly spirals out of control. which brings me to my second goal for the week: focus on being happy or, when it comes to my great aunt, making the best of sh*tty circumstances.

one thing that makes me very happy: twilight premier next weekend!! edward, er, robert pattison, makes me feel like a 14-year-old school girl again and i absolutely love it. he is such a dreamboat... us single girls need our outlets ;)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

november challenge

unfortunately don't have time for a well thought-out post today, as i'm just sitting down to watch gossip girl, a.k.a. queen b slay her interview at yale with s. anyways, since i now spend my days making "sick decks", i will now proceed to itemize the major going ons in my life over the past 2 months:

1. attended new york fashion week in september. naturally, it was incredible. had the best time attending the shows, going for dinner at fancy restaurants, partying in the rainbow room, ... aaamazing.
2. saw my ex-bf with his new gf out on the town. oh, and did i mention the new girl works with him? and that he recruited her to work with him last winter, when were still very much together? well now you know. that was a tough week or two.
3. started my new job in early october. it's amazing! i love the people, the projects, the atmosphere, everything. it's great. just great. i'm very happy there.

and now onto the topic at hand, my november challenge. see, the thing is i was hugely successful with dropping weight until about thanksgiving weekend. then i was at my lowest weight in years at 145.8 lbs (please keep in mind that my scale weighs about 3 lbs heavy - i use it for reference more than anything). last sunday i was 147.1 lbs. this weekend, however, was a total and complete disaster. i want to get back on track, working towards my ultimate goal of 135 lbs. the following is my strategy for doing just that:

24 points per day, 35 flex points per week. focus on core foods, and avoid eating processed foods and aspartame as much as possible. keep sodium to a minimum - i.e., sushi once per week, few soups, no popcorn (even if it is smartpop), etc. save flex points for social engagements.

aim to workout 5 times per week, ideally 3 times during the week and twice on weekends. meet with personal trainer every thursday morning before work. and always stretch! not stretching after working out equals more pain and less calories burned.

aim for 7 hours per night. in bed by 10:30 pm to wake up at 5:30 am.

no binge eating. do not manage work-related stresses with food. come home, relax, clean, shop, blog, whatever. just don't eat. and as for that whole new boy situation? remember that eating because you're happy is still emotional eating. you got that?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

one day at a time

that's how i'm taking this whole "weight watchers" thing right now: focusing on each day as a separate entity, making smart decisions, going to the gym bright and early when i'd rather beat the living crap out of my alarm clock, ... except for today. today i'm choosing to give myself a break. actually, my body is demanding that i give myself a break. now, this may have something to do with one, or some combination of, the following: (1) i drank my face off last night (as a self-proclaimed light weight, this loosely translates to a bottle of wine and a vodka redbull or 2), (2) i chain smoked 1/2 a pack of cigarettes (this, in turn, may have something do with the fact that my current crush is a part-time chimney - funny how these things work, isn't it?), (3) i only got 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (and why yes, this may also have something to do with my crush du jour), and/or (4) i'm in the midst of re-watching the entire 1st season of sex and the city (episode 9 here i come!) but then again, maybe my body is just too spent from the hour-long yoga class i went to yesterday. good luck, sherlock - some mysteries are never meant to be solved.

excuse me, for i digress.

for today's post is not about the amazingly awesome, super-great night i had last night, but rather, about the little decisions i made during the day that allowed last night to happen. allow me to explain. yesterday's weigh in was downright depressing - up 1.5 lbs after being 100% on track all week. i consumed minimal alcohol (no more than 1/2 a pitcher), exercised 4 days of 7 (including 1 weight training session), only ate about 1/2 of my activity points, and even had 10 flex points left over when all was said and done. i've never not had a loss when i've followed the program so closely before. and i was so looking forward to a loss - i was sure that this week i was going to make it to the 5 lb mark. but alas, set backs happen, and as much as i wanted to drown my sorrows in a pint of ice cream at 7 am, i didn't. nor did i punish myself by staying in at night. after all, my theme for the season is balance. so i made decisions that allowed to accomplish just this: i ate well all day (below daily points and mostly core foods), i went to the yoga class i had been pushing off, i took my dog for a 1 hour walk, and i planned my night (what i was going to drink, eat, etc.). and it worked! i had a fabulous night (have i mentioned this already?) and was able to stay well under my points allowance (still have about 15 flex points left for the rest of the week). by forgiving myself and moving forward i was able to prevent that downwards, binge-eating spiral that mini setbacks, such as yesterday's scale mishap, have been known to throw me into in the past. me: 1 vs. emotional eating: 0.

i'm already applying this lesson to today's conundrum: to work our or not to work out. 6 months ago i would have been frustrated with myself for being too hungover and weak-lunged to go to the gym (i'm not a true smoker, but one of those poser, social-smokers true smokers hate - so i don't fully inhale every time, so sue me!) but not now, not today. my eating is on track, and that alone is practically a miracle after a night of heaving drinking. so i'm going to let today's workout go and choose to focus on the other great things i'm doing for my body instead.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

weight watchers update

you know what's great? exercise. i had one of my best workouts (dare i say it?) ever last night. not only was i able to push myself harder, faster, stronger (ok, ok, so i stole that line from kanye, who stole if from daft punk, who stole it from... um, illegal substances?), i had a great time doing it. my initial plan was to run intervals for 25 minutes and complete 2 circuits of my weight training program. however, i was feeling so great after my first two intervals on the treadmill i decided to up the ante by increasing incline and resistance. but even that didn't feel like enough of a challenge for me, so back to the settings feature i went - to once again increase the difficulty of my workout. my run ended up lasting for 35 minutes (4 activity points). i run for runs like the one i had last night - i crave the physical and emotional strength that comes from long, hard workouts. anyways, after my run i stayed on the treadmill for another 15 minutes (1 activity point), walking steep inclines as i listened to bill clinton's speech at the democratic convention (interesting fact about yours truly: i'm really into politics - i did minor in if after all!)

when i returned from my trip in july i weighed in at about 157 lbs. while this really upset me at the time, in retrospect it was a small price to play for the many adventures i had overseas - the exotic foods i tried (alright, so maybe the meat pies i had in australia weren't crazy exotic, but nothing cures a "pure blonde" hangover like minced meat wrapped in layer upon layer of puff pastry with... aaand now i'm drooling at my desk), the people i met over drinks, the 20 + hour airplane rides, ... i tried for a few weeks, but found the program to be too restrictive, so i went back to the tried and true - weight watchers online. i rejoined on august 1st, weighing in at 154.5 lbs. since august 1st, i've lost about 3.1 lbs. tomorrow is my weigh in day and i'm hoping to be down another 3 lbs to bring my total loss for the month of august to just over 5 lbs. keep your fingers crossed for me!

during the school year i had zero success loosing weight. while i was able to maintain for the bulk of it, i packed on a few extra pounds in the spring (it being my last few months of undergrad, i was no stranger to the bar scene... on any night of the week). i finished the school year about 5 lbs heavier than when i started it. so why, you may be asking, am i back on a program that didn't "work" for me the first time? because in many ways i believe that ww did work for me - if i hadn't been on it, i truly believe that my 4th year gain would have been much, much higher. this time i'm in an entirely different place, both physically and mentally, and am fully committed to achieving my goal weight of 135 lbs. i no longer feel the need to get out of my mind drunk 5 nights/week, to grab post-bar food, to smoke myself into oblivion. i finally want to learn how to balance my social life with my health and fitness goals. and that, blog world friends, is my current focus. it is my theme of the moment, my color for fall.

my menu for today:

1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup fresh blueberries (0.5)
2 slices ww toast (1)
1 tbsp. pc blue menu jam (0)
1/2 cup egg whites (1.5)
1/4 cup skim milk in large coffee (0.5)

snack 1
1 kashi cherry chocolate granola bar (2)
1 source yogurt (1)

1 ww wrap (1)
3 oz. deli-sliced turkey (2)
1 tbsp. light cream cheese (1)
1/2 cup lettuce (0)
tons of cut-up veggies (0)

snack 2
1 hg's grab and go breakfast cookies --> found this delicious, and i mean delicious, recipe online at
1/4 cup low-fat milk (0.5)
1 small apple (0.5)

tbd --> most likely going out for dinner, as sisters are leaving for uni tomorrow

exercise - cardio day
35 minutes elliptical trainer (2) --> probably much higher, but i like to be conservative
20 minutes stationary bike (1)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

the non-back-to-school jitters

for the past 2 days i've been extremely anxious. and i think i've finally put my finger on it - the seasons are changing, my sisters are going back to school, my friends are moving away to start various jobs all around the world, and yet i'm still here, living out of my parents basement, just waiting. waiting for my life to pick up again. to start work, to make some serious moulla, to move out. and while i've found some really interesting things to do in the interm, i can't help but feel like i'm missing out. as noted in yesterday's post, i like to keep busy. i seem to get really on edge whenever i'm not wrapped up in a whirlwind of work, social events, friends, family, ... and that's how i feel right now.

for one, i'm having a really tough time living at home. i've lived on my own for the past 4 years, and well, re-entry has been slightly trying at times. at first it was great - no rent (thank you parents!), free food (another thanks to the folks), great location. but i miss my old lifestyle terribly. and my mother gets on my nerves like no one else can. she's insanely irritable and snaps at everything. oh, i'm sure i do my share to provoke her. and while i'm also sure there are lots of things i can do to improve my living situation, right now i feel like playing the snotty 21-year-old card and blaming her for all my anxieties. and my lack of boyfriend. and for the 3 lbs. i still have to loose to make my labor day goal. and for the fact that my friends are all moving away. and... and... and... this isn't getting me anywhere. time for me to suck it up and quit being a princess. god, i'm sooo typical. argh!

alright, now that that annoying little rant is out of my system, time to move forward. it's that time of post again - action plan time. so here's how i'm going to handle my frustrations when i get home from work:
- work out (for my personal sanity)
- laundry
- clean bedroom (including move desk chair to basement)
- clean bathroom cabinets (get rid of old products, etc.)
- organize makeup (i'm a makeup junkie, and right now my little case is overflowing with products i haven't used in over a year - it's stressing me out)
- go to bed early

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

a new start

wow. i really don't know what to say right now. staring at this blank screen, words are escaping me. there's so much going on in my life right now i don't know where to begin!

ok - breath in, breath out - let's start small. first things first. well, this week and next i'm working a temporary job at a graphic design studio. i love it here! while my role is minimal (this week i'm repsonsible for fielding all phone calls - what this really means is that i talk on the phone for about a minute an hour, 2 tops), i'm gaining great exposure to an industry i know almost zilch about. it's great! yesterday, for example, the office received proofs for the winter campaign for a major food and beverage brand. strange to think that they're already planning for the holiday season, but then again, i guess it's only 4 months away (wow, don't hate me ruining one of your last summer days with that thought - i already hate myself for thinking it!) next week i'm working on location for a photo shoot for a magazine ad.

this is getting easier - what else, what else? i start my "real life" job in just over 5 weeks. i'm really looking forward to it, but slightly terrified at the same time. after spending 6 - 7 weeks doing absolutely nothing with my life (ok, bit of an overstatement - more on what i've been up to later), i've realized that i need to be busy. if i'm not busy, i make myself busy by freaking out about things i don't need to freak out about. like the fact that i'm single. 80% of the time i'm a-ok with being single - in fact, for the most part i'm thrilled about it - but that other 20% of the time it's, "why does no one like me?" or, "i'm going to die single and alone with cats". horrible thoughts that i realize are completely irrational and insignificant most days, but make me choke up with fear on days when i have nothing to do. those are the days i need to distract myself. i least i'm handling these insecurities in a proactive way: when i feel these thoughts creeping on i try to go for a run or workout at the gym. ANYWAYS, taking this job has made me realize how happy i am to not be going back to school this year. i'm ready to gain hands on experience and to work on building my career as opposed to my transcript. a new start indeed!

other major things on my plate right now: (1) moving out (currently living at home with my parents), (2) paying off the debt i took on to go traveling, (3) working out (despite my best efforts i packed on a good 10 lbs while traveling - most is gone already, but still working on those last few stubborn pounds), (4) building my fall wardrobe, and (5) seeing as much of my friends and family as i possibly can before i start work in october. now, i realize that (1), (2), and (4) are slightly hypocritical, but hell, i effing love clothes and fall is my fashion nirvana. i mean, have you seen the size of this month's elle? well, i have and let's just say i have my work cut out for me (after all, i barely bought anything for summer since i spent the bulk of it traveling and bumming around my cottage). another reason i'm looking forward to starting my job: the steady income that will make balancing these things much, much easier.