Wednesday, April 30, 2008

very short, but will write more soon

for the past 2 nights i've been having mini binge fests before i go to bed. although i have been using my flex points, i need to stop this behavior before it becomes habitual. so, to nip this in the bud, i want to set 2 goals for myself today:

1. do not go over 23 daily points
2. go to bed early (before midnight)

will write more later when i have time. off to get my shots for asia!

Monday, April 28, 2008

the tale of the malfunctionning scale

once upon a time there was a weight watchers scale. this scale wasn't like the other scales - it was digital and supposedly accurate to the first decimal place. a young twenty something used this scale once a week for about 8 months, believing her weight to be in the range of 145.0 - 153.0 lbs. this girl's roommate would sometimes use the scale, as well. she would always comment that her weight seemed higher than normal when she stepped on it, but the two of them usually chalked it up to water bloat (they were frequent sushi eaters). until one day our heroine stepped on another scale - the scale she used previous to her fancy pants one. and lo and behold she came in at just under 145 lbs. - 4.5 lbs. less than what her scale had been reading! so what did she do? well, she did what any sane body-obsessed woman would do - she forgot about the twisted scale that was making her feel like shit and lived happily ever after with the new one. the end.

so, that pretty much sums up my weigh in today. i woke up and stepped on my weight watchers scale, which read 148.7 lbs., and then stepped on my old one, which read 145.0 lbs. (actually, it read about 144.8 lbs. - sweet!). my roommate had been complaining about my old scale all year - she goes to weight watchers meetings and found that my scale would overestimate her weight by 1.0 - 4.0 lbs. i've decided to finally listen to her and forget about ye old scale and replace her (because every inanimate object in my life is a her) with the new one. there you have it - i weigh just under 145.0 lbs. and there ain't nothing that bitch of a scale can do about it! don't think i've had a weigh in this exciting since i first started focusing on my body about 3 years ago (back then the scale was closer to 175.0 lbs.)

moving on, moving on. weekend was pretty uneventful. my sister's prom was on friday and i helped her with the after party at our place. fun, but i can think of a more exciting things to do than host 30 18-year olds between the hours of 1 am and 4 am in the morning. feel as though i went above and beyond the sisterly requirements on that one (did i mention i made them food?) saturday was spent lounging around most of the day and yesterday i had a family commitment which took up most of the afternoon. one of my best girl friends from high school came over to watch a movie last night and we picked a real oscar-winner - sydney white starring amanda bynes. again, more evidence i should write for the tween market. i have to admit, though, amanda bynes is pretty damn funny. and (dare i say it?) real!

i've been dreaming about my ex-boyfriend a lot these days and i'm really missing him. usually i'm very comfortable with the decision i made to end things with him, but today i'm not. it's making me feel a little mopey and even a bit sick to my stomach. i hope these feelings are mostly due to my move back home - life at home is much calmer than life at school. i know he's gone now, but i just wish i could hold him one last time. i want to know how he's doing - did he get on the project he wanted at work? did he end up running the boston marathon? did he beat "hard" on guitar hero (which i gave him, might i add)? it's only been 5 weeks or so - i shouldn't beat myself up for still having these feelings. but i do miss him and right now i want to reach out to him more than ever. i know i can't. it wouldn't be fair to either of us.

enough to the negative nancy talk, on to what i plan on eating today:

1/3 cup quaker 1-minute oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. natural peanut butter (1)
1 medium orange (1)

3 oz. turkey breast (2)
1/4 cup canned chickpeas (1)
1 tbsp. dressing (1)
2 slices weight watchers bread (1)
loads of 0-point vegetables (0)

1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened berries (0)
6 almonds (1)
1/2 cup nature's path optimum slim (1)

total is 12, leaving 11 to play with for the rest of today. even though i was planning on taking today off from working out, i think it might help my emotional state if i break a sweat. so that's my goal for today - work out to get a load off!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

back in toronto

the past few days have been a blur: had my last night out at university (actually this time), moved back home, cleaned and gutted my apartment, etc. not to mention all of the good byes! for someone who has been "ready" to leave university for the past few months, i got pretty emotional about it all. i was especially sad to leave my roommate and our mutual best-friend nem (code name). good thing my roommate is still my roommate, as we're moving out together in the fall again. i would miss her too much!

life at home has been, well, life at home. hung out with my new roommates tonight (by this i mean my mom and dad). wasn't all that bad - had my frist home-cooked meal in a long time! and my mom's a chef so you know it was delicious. mmm, got to love her fajitas!

slipped up on both monday and tuesday. ugh! i was doing really well on both days until about 9 pm. on monday i got super drunk, so of course all rational decision making went out the window. and yesterday i thought to myself, "you deserve a treat after these four years of hard work", so i ordered a cookie sundae for dessert when i went out to dinner with my mom and rooms. at least we shared it 3 ways! ahhh, still came home and had a mini feast on ice cream. god, i love ice cream.

anyways, back on track today. i've only had 16.5 points to eat so far today, and am wondering how i'm going to get to 23 in the next 3 hours. i wish i had this problem all of the time. i'm thinking of making myself a peanut butter and banana smoothie. two of my favorite things in the entire world blended until drinkable = phenomenal. also, i got in a great workout today - 30 mins running intervals at the gym (total of 3.25 miles) and 20 mins on the stationary bike. i walked up a storm shopping, but am not going to count that as activity. with 2 weeks until i leave, i mean business!

here's what i've had to eat today:

1 egg (2)
1 whole wheat tortilla (1)
little of bit of lettuce and tomato (0)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/4 cup fresh raspberries --> another perk of being home is the fresh fruit (0)

6 pieces salmon sushi (3.5)
1 green salad with 1 tsp dressing (1)

1 grande iced coffee with 2 pumps sugar-free mocha syrup and splash of skim milk (0.5)
1 large apple (2)

3 oz. chicken (2.5)
1 tsp olive oil (1) --> my mom says that she only used 1 tsp for the entire thing, but she looked a little a shifty when she said it...
1 whole wheat tortilla (1)
1/4 cup salsa (0)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

total is 16.5 points. practically a miracle. i don't know how this happened. it's as if my body is saying, "stop eating you gluten you!" i don't know why it's not hungry. i'll forever remember today as "the day i just wasn't hungry". i doubt i'll ever have a day like today again. i'm perpetually hungry/wanting to eat.

anyways, enough about my crazy day. as already mentioned, i went shopping for some cute numbers for my trip. i would post pictures of what i bought, but can't seem to find any online. i got 3 light-weight jersey dresses: 1 royal blue, 1 bubble-gum pink, and 1 brown. the brown one is stunning, if i do say so myself. it's got all of this braided detailing... aaamazing. also picked up a cute high waisted skirt and a pair of shorts. ok, perhaps not the most practical things, but i need to look nice when i go out!

oh, and mr. new zealand sent me an email saying that he's booked and paid for all of his flights. crazy to think that he's actually coming with me for part of my trip! and to think that this is the same guy i meet all those weeks ago. hubba hubba, he is sooo dreamy (disclaimer: i do not, in fact, write for tween magazines, although i definitely have the vocab to). strange how the world works sometimes.

Friday, April 18, 2008

yesterday i slippped up...

... and today i'm putting it behind me. but before i move on, i think a quick recap of what went down is in order.

had 12 daily points remaining around mid-afternoon (had even said no to the candies being passed around the exam i was proctoring!) started drinking around 4:30 pm. made smart drink choices - had a few bud lights and coors lights - but still ended up getting completely smashed. so by the time dinner rolled around, i was in no state of mind to make healthy choices. we went for greasy pub fare and i had the chicken sandwich with - get this - a salad! that's right. in my state of oblivion i some how managed to say no to the fries and yes to the veggies. i even ordered my dressing on the side. i think that calls for a freaking award or something. but unfortunately, friends, i didn't stop there. one of the girls we went out to dinner with didn't want the rest of her quesidilla so i had 1/3 of it. gross! i mean, where was the willpower when i really needed it? ugh. went back to my house to make some jello shooters and to get ready for the bare. had a few jello shooters and some cereal to, as i rationalized, "slow the absorption". bad move. anyways, ended up sobering up before the bar and decided to stay in instead. so that's it. the end of my drinking days at university. blah!

ok, so back to moving on. today i will not, i repeat, will not go over my daily points limit of 24. and i'm going to go for a run outside - it's such a beautiful day after all!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

planning ahead

to prevent myself from going over daily points + activity points, i've decided to plan my menu for the rest of the day:

breakfast - total 3.5 points
1 scoop whey powder (2)
1/2 cup vanilla sogood soy milk (1.5)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
crushed ice (0)

snack 1 - total 2.5 points
1/4 cup skim milk (0.5) in coffee (0)
1 all bran bar (2)

lunch - max. 5 points
salad and protein of some variety --> most likely 3 points for protein, 1 point for topping, 1 point for dressing

snack 2 - total 3 points
1/3 cup quaker 1-minute oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

dinner - total 5 points
1 tsp. olive oil for cooking vegetables in (1)
3/4 cup whole wheat cooked pasta (2)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
1/2 cup canned tomato sauce (1)

snack 3 - total 1 - 3 points
options: 1 orange (1), 1 bag smartpop popcorn (1), 1 carnation hot chocolate (1)

planned activity - running for 30 min. outside (4)

daily points total is 19 (no snack 3 options) - 22 points (all snack 3 options). will be going out tonight, but am not going to drink more than 3 light beers (5.5 - 6.5 points depending on the brand). mini goal for today is to stay away from the cereal!

in related news, i'm moving back to toronto on monday, so am busy packing up my life for the past 4 years. looks like i'm going to have to throw a lot of stuff out - there's no way i can take everything back to my parent's house. also, have been busy planning my trip through asia and oceania. i'm getting so pumped! mr. new zealand will be joining me for at least the last 2 weeks of it, which i'm very excited about. i guess those crazy kiwis have a break from school next week, so that's when we're going to finalize most of the details. however, i'm not going to get my hopes up about him - i'm going into this assuming that we're friends and nothing more. if something happens, great, but if nothing happens, that's great too. as i've mentioned in my past posts this trip is about me and no boy (no matter how funny, smart, or good-looking he is... ok, maybe i have a little crush) is going to get in my way. god, i feel like that line came straight out of a destiny's child song (can i get all the ladiesss who're independennnt to throw - their - hands - up - at - meee?!)


going to keep this quick, as i am about to go to bed. day was going really well eating-wise until after dinner munchies hit. damn you kashi golean crunch cereal! you are too delicious to resist. pair that with some vanilla soy milk and you have yourself a passionate duo. throw some berries in there and... no more food thoughts for me. the end. so, all in all, didn't meet the goal i set for myself yesterday, but made improvements nonetheless.

what i consumed today:

1 scoop whey powder (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened berries (0)
1/4 cup astro fat-free vanilla yogurt (0.5) --> grocery store was out of source
1/3 up vanilla sogood soy milk (1)

1/8 cup vanilla sogood soy milk (0.5) in coffee (0)

1 orange (1)

3.5 oz. cooked skinless chicken (3)
2 cups broccoli (1)
2 slices ww bread (1)

3/4 cup astro fat-free vanilla yogurt (1.5)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

1 orange (1)
7 almonds (1)

1/8 cup 2% milk (0.5, but have to double check this)
2 oz. chicken (2 + 2 for 1 1/2 tsp. oil) on green salad (0) with 1/2 tsp. olive oil (0.5) from milestone's

1/3 cup quaker instant oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

1 hot chocolate (1)
1 bag smartpop! (1)

1 1/2 cups kashi golean cereal (6.5)
1 cups cup vanilla sogood soy milk (3)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened berries (0)

in total ate 33 points. blah! earned 4 activity points from the gym, so used 5 flex points. double blah! have 24.5 flex points left for the week. most likely going out tomorrow, which means i will have to be extra careful with my eating.

also, for some point-related q's: when you order at restaurant, how much oil do you assume your food is cooked in? i never know how much to add (usually guess 1 1/2 tsp. to 1 tbsp. depending on how greasy i think the food is). how many 0-point items can you eat per day? and, lastly, when you eat the same food throughout the day, do you add the points value for that food to a running tally (as in, 1 1/2 cups of raspberries is 1 point) or count the servings separately throughout the day (3 1/2 cup servings of raspberries is 0 points)? i would appreciate any advice you have!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

who would have thought 4 little falafel ball-things would be 7 points?!

question of the day. i went for mediterranean food with my roommate and ordered what i thought was a low-point option. imagine my frustration when the lunch i budgeted 8 points for came in at a whopping 13! argh! on a positive note, i went to my second yoga class today. i really didn't want to go, but am glad that i went. i felt strong and toned afterwards. i plan on incorporating yoga into my weekly workout schedule.

today's menu:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)

1/3 cup quaker 1-minute oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

1 large white pita (3)
1/4 cup homemade hummus (3)
4 falafel patties (7) --> typing this makes me so angry

1 starbucks fancy-pants drink (4)

1 cup whole wheat pasta (3)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
1 tsp. oil (1)
1/2 cup tomato sauce (1)
oodles of veggies (0)

1/2 cup astro fat-free vanilla yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
1/2 cup golean crunch (1.5)

total is 31.5 points. in retrospect, should have looked up points values of mediterranean food before lunch and should not have ordered such a fancy pants drink mid-afternoon. my goal for tomorrow is not to go over my daily points limit + activity points.

managed to stay on track last night despite going out with friends for beers and wings. only had 3 beers, so i got a little tipsy (yup, i'm a huge light weight), but not too drunk. it was great! i felt in control the entire time. didn't even touch the wings.

stepped on the scale around mid-day and my weight was already back down to 148 lbs. phew! don't know what happened on monday morning. must have been massive water retention (did drink like a fish over the weekend and went for vietnamese food on sunday night). i should readjust my points limit downwards (when i take the quiz at 148 lbs. it says that i should only be eating 23 points per day), but i've decided not to until next week. i'm used to eating about 25 points per day and think that a 2-point cut might be too hard for me, especially since i plan on working out more than usual.

and lastly... biggest loser finale was on tonight and ally won it all! amazing! first female biggest loser ever. great inspiration for the beginning of my very own personal weight challenge!

Monday, April 14, 2008

my very own challenge!

today was weigh in day. recall that on thursday morning i weighed 147.0 lbs. however, when i stepped on the scale this morning i weighed a staggering 152.7 lbs.! yikes! i don't even remember the last time my weight was this high. how can i have gained 5.2 lbs. over the course of 3 days? how is that even possible? i'm hoping that the gain is largely due to water retention, but who knows. god, i feel miserable about this.

what makes it worse is that i'm hoping to shed a few pounds before i leave for my trip on may 8th. i can't let this let diversion get in my way - 3 days is not the end of the world. i can get through this little blip (positive self talk, positive self talk, ...) doesn't help that my self esteem has reached all time lows thanks to this weekend's events.

so what am i going to do about this? i'm going to start my very own 23 day challenge. nothing is going to get in my way - university is done, i'm moving out in a week or so, and all of my toronto friends still have exams. let's call my challenge, um, i need a name... ah yes, "dbc's pick yourself up out of the gutter and get moving 23-day challenge". notice how i don't make mention to my trip or trying to look hot or anything like that. right now i'm thinking of weight loss as a means to end - and that end is to get rando dudes to like me (and by like, i mean want to pick me up at the bar... sure, too much information, but the truth of the matter nonetheless). i have to shed this mindset. i want to start thinking about weight loss as a means of improving myself - eating better, exercising more often and effectively, trying new things (foods, group classes, etc.). my mantra going forward is, "i'm doing this for me, and no one else." not even you - asshole boy who rejected me at the bar! f*ck y'all, i'm shedding these pounds to make me feel better, so there - nah!

now that we're all thoroughly impressed by my maturity, allow me to share my plan with you:

1. follow weight watchers. yes, i'm tempted to try other "faster acting" plans, but i know that they won't work. i want this weight loss (however minor it may be in just 23 days) to be permanent. i want to have my healthy habits set in stone by the time i leave - binging on delicious asian food while away = not on plan
2. reduce daily points to 24. normally i adjust my daily point values to be 25, but for these 23 days i'm going to do exactly what the site tells me -and today it told me to eat 24 points per day (normally 23 - ouch that hurts!)
3. work out minimum of 5 times a week. and try different exercises too! incorporate more weight training and yoga (both for the peace of mind and health benefits)
4. post progress on blog each day. you'll soon notice a new sidebar dedicated to my challenge. watch it as i tackle this baby head on
5. do not get drunk. you hear me? that's right, i am not getting drunk once in these 23 days. i'd love to say no drinking altogether but i know that's unrealistic for me. instead, 2 - 3 drinks when i got out max. none of this binge drinking and throwing myself at randos business. nu uh - i'm done with that (at least until australia...) i'm trying to solve all of my post-break up problems at the bar and - get this - it's not working. i need some quality sober time
6. taking a page out glams book here, but on the morning of may 8th, my 24th day on plan, i'm going to post a picture of myself in a bikini. on this very website. with the caption "i did it!" no ifs, ands, or buts about. this sh*t is going down

also, you may have noticed my self deprecating post last night and thought to yourself, "geeze, why is this chick such a debbie downer"? well, i'll tell you straight up that i got shut down on saturday night. cute guy, known him for a while now, just wasn't into me. i put myself out there for the first time since matt, and i got slapped in the face (not literally). and it suuucks. i felt horrible about myself. even now when i look back on it i get this awful sinking feeling in my stomach (ok, guess the "even now" bit wasn't necessary - this did just happen on saturday). ahhh well, live and let live. i've learned some lessons from this one and they will not be soon forgotten.

i have about 7.5 hours of school left - project due at 5 pm - so i should probably get down to it. god, can't wait for school to be over. it's such a drag.

here's to my new challenge! i know i can do it.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

today has been hard

i woke up today feeling like absolute crap. i still feel like absolute crap. and you know what? i'm not going to start feeling better any time soon, as i have a massive project due tomorrow at 5 pm. great, just great.

my weekend has been wild. in fact, some might even say too wild. i went out on both friday and saturday and had wayyy too much to drink on both nights. i don't know how to say this, don't even really know if i want the entire blog world to know, but i was so desperate for male attention i did some pretty stupid things. don't worry - nothing got too scandalous. but i put myself out there and got shut down pretty hard. and it sucks. my self esteem is in the gutter right now. i don't know how to pick it back up, so of course i've resorted to mcdonald's to soothe my frustrations. obviously that's not helping anything at all.

i hate that i'm so boy-crazy right now - that i've become so desperate for male attention that i'll compromise myself to get it. ugh! i've never been like this before. i don't know what my problems is. and i'm just so effing embarrased. ugh, should get back to work on my project, but i really need to vent. i feel so miserable. ugh! i know i will get through this, that this is just a symptom of the post break up jitters. i know, i know. but i hate feeling this way.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

anxiety attacks

i couldn't sleep for the life of me last night. it was very strange - went to bed anxious and woke up feeling even more so. i wonder what's gotten me so worked up? couldn't be my exam (should be pretty straight-forward), or the projects i'm working on (making good progress on all of them). can't be body issues (feeling great today!) or lack of exercise (ran for 46 minutes last night - wahoo!). hmmm... ahhh, yes. my trip. my trip is freaking me out. instead of leaving on the 12th, as i had originally planned, i'm now leaving on the 8th. only cuts down prep time by about 4 days, but still feeling worried that i'm not going to get everything done in time! ok, breathe. this is ok. i'm making a to do list as soon as i finish this post.

yesterday started off kind of shitty/kind of good, got worse, and then got a lot better. allow me to explain: i woke up early yesterday to go for a run, but received an instant message from mr. new zealand just as i was stepping out the door. obviously i had to respond and we ended up chatting for about an hour (recap: good = talking to mr. new zealand, bad = no run). but midway through our convo, the unthinkable happened - my computer fell breaking my charger (recap: very bad = charger breaking when 3 papers are due from friday - monday). ugh, so i had to deal with that. next, i went to a group meeting, where i found out that one chick in my group was "too overwhelmed" to do her part, so i was given an extra 1,500 words to write for this morning (recap: very, very bad = working with people who don't pull their weight). thanks a lot, asshole. it's not like i have nothing else going on right now.

anyways, day got better when - get this - i went for the best run i can remember last night! as already mentioned, i ran a whopping 46 minutes. that's right, bitches - no stopping and lots of big hills. i'm a machine. i had planned to run for about 30 minutes (time it takes me to do roughly 5 km), but when i finished my loop i had this strange urge to keep going. so i did. and now i'm uber buff. don't know whose blog i read this on, but i remember someone saying that running is like therapy. let's just say that last night's run was one big therapy session - got pretty worked up about matt in the middle of it (guess that's what happens when you listen to alanis morisette circa the late 90s), but just ran through it. i kept telling myself, "running is therapy, run through your emotions". hell, i feel great now.

i'm hoping to to go out tonight (last thursday night at university!). i may have to stay in because of that idiotic girl, but let's hope not. regardless, friday and saturday are going to be pretty wild. to track my progress this week (i know the weekend is going to be rough), i weighted myself today, even though monday is technically my weigh in day. good news - was down to 147.0 lbs. i'm going to try really hard to manage my eating this weekend, even though it is my last weekend at university. game plan is the same as always: make smart choices.

should get back to work, as i still have to pass this stupid, effing report off to my lazy-ass group member.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

tomorrow's todo

disclaimer: this post is going to bore the hell out of everyone who isn't me.

feeling slightly overwhelmed right now, so thought that i would make a todo list. i always feel more accountable when the entire blog world is witness to my activities.

- make healthy lunch and snacks (bought lunch, made snack)
- go for a run (done)
- complete passport application and find guarantor (looong story on this one - let's just say it starts with my roommate doing a little spring cleaning and ends with my passport being thrown out 1 month before my trip)
- book stay in hong kong (recent addition to trip) (done)
- pick up information for group project 1 (done)
- read information and put together outline for project 2
- study for thursday exam
- 4 hours of student interviews (looking to find a replacement for one of the conferences i'm involved with) (done)
- take shirt to dry cleaners
- fold mountain of clothes
- finalize loan details
- finalize new visa details
- go to yoga (if there's time)

a quickie

don't have time to write much today - with all of the nice weather and patio-ing i completely "forgot" about my exam on thursday! yikes!

however, before i begin my daily recap, just wanted to say thanks to glam and eurydice for their encouraging comments on my last post. i've said it before and i'll say it again - i really need to take this time to focus on myself. i'm not "solid" yet and i so desperately want to be! i know in time, and with some personal reflection, my insecurities will subside. until then, however, just have to stay positive. and you know i will!

didn't make it to yoga today, as i was too busy with school to go. i'll have to revise my workout schedule for the week - since today was a day off, my goal is to get in at least 4 activity points-worth of exercise tomorrow. my plan is to get up early and go for a run (7:30 am wake up call - very early for me, but i hope to go to bed in the next hour or so). if i happen to finish my work early i'm going to go to yoga in the evening.

here's what i had to eat today:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup unsweetened frozen raspberries (0)

1 apple (1)

1 falafel pita pit salad (3) with 1/4 cup store-bought hummus (2)

1 pria bar (3)

1 all bran bar (2)

2 cups edamame (3)
6 pieces salmon sushi (3.5)
1 green salad (0) with 1 tbsp. dressing (1)

5 oz. wine (2)

1/2 cup kashi golean! crunch (1.5)
1/2 cup all bran flakes (1)
1/2 cup unsweetened frozen raspberries (0)
3/4 cup silk plain light (1)

total of 27.5 points. had to use 2.5 flex points, bringing my weekly flex tally down to 32.5 points.

Monday, April 7, 2008

weighty issues

after being 85% on plan all week, i was excited for my weigh in today. i literally leaped out of bed and onto the scale. and you know what i found there? 148.2 lbs. - a weight much higher than i was aiming for. sure, it's a loss of 0.6 lbs., and i know what they say, "a loss is a loss", but i don't feel good about that number at all. it's strange how a few pounds can make such a difference. whenever i'm over 147 lbs., i always feel uncomfortable in my body.

however, i realize there are probably several reasons for why i didn't see the scale move more: (1) i was sick for most of the week, so i was only able to squeeze in 2 workouts, (2) saturday night (enough said), and (3) haven't been eating enough protein. i know what i have to do this week. here's my plan of attack:

monday - run for 30 - 40 mins. (3 - 4 activity points)
tuesday - yoga for 90 mins. (3 activity points), possibly gym (see what my friends are doing)
wednesday - day off
thursday - run for 30 - 40 mins. (3 - 4 activity points)
friday - yoga for 90 mins (3 activity points), gym
saturday - yoga for 90 mins (3 activity points), gym
sunday - day off

now, this is going to be a lot of exercise and at times i'm going to hurt a lot. but i have to remember that there's a difference between discomfort and pain - push through the discomfort and stop when there's pain. if i pace myself i know i can do it. also, it's exams for us here at uni and since i only have 1 exam (in my easiest course, might i add), i'm sure i'll have the time to focus this much on exercise.

yesterday i went to the local yoga studio and signed up for the beginner's package - unlimited classes for 1 week for $20 cdn. aaamazing. the class i went to yesterday was called "hip hop yoga". kind of a weird concept - this special teacher comes in and all of the poses are done to late 90s rap. last summer i went to yoga about once a week at a studio close to my work. it was great, i really loved it. i'm glad that i'm getting back into it. thanks to pom for her post about yoga - it was the push i needed to get out there and get sweating.

but before i sign off, there's something i need to address: my insecurities surrounding weight post-bf. i've really noticed a difference in my thinking over the past 2 weeks or so. i've noticed my thoughts slowly becoming more and more weight focused. yes, to a certain extent this is because i'm slightly heavier than usual. but i also think a lot of it is due to my recent singleness. ah, i hate to say this, but at times i catch my inner voice repeating this awful line: "you have to be thinner for guys to like you." yes, it's that bad. i need to put a stop to it. recently i've found myself comparing my body to those of other girls' my age. at yoga, for example, i couldn't stop looking in that effing wall mirror at all of their tight bodies. i was jealous! actually! i also need to stop thinking that my new mission in life is to find another boy. after all (and i say this often to remind myself), i broke up with matt because i wanted to be my own person. these thoughts show me that i truly have to focus on myself - and i don't mean my looks. i have to focus on standing on my own two feet once and for all.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

here's a thought: just say no!

bah! flashback a few hours to when i was getting ready to go out for some pati-o-so-good times. remember what i did? i set 2 mini goals for myself. and what were they? oh right, (1) make good choices and (2) no grease. fast forward a few hours to when we're sitting on the patio. what do i have to eat? oh that's right, i choose to split a pizza hut-type pizza with one of my buddies. and then what do i do then? ahhh yes, i order a brownie thingy-ma-bob for desert. ok, so back to those goals: (1) made bad choices and (2) lots of grease. when will i learn to listen to my head and not my stomach?

anyways, greasy pizza does quite the number on me, so i decided to come home early. so here i am. sitting in my living room. no friends. roomie away for the weekend. bloated as all hell. and all because i didn't listen to that little voice inside my head yelling, "don't do ittt!"

ahhh well. this sucks. tomorrow will be better. drinking lots of water now. have to flush out the bloat before monday morning weigh-in.

sunny skies = drinking outside

another beautiful day! makes me want to crack out the summer dresses and decorated sandals. god, i love spring. winter is just so blah.

have to keep this short, as i'm about to go for drinks with friends on - you guessed it - a patio. pretty exciting. first outdoor drinking adventure of the year. wahoo!

today i've had to eat:

1/2 cup plain astro yogurt (1) (ran out of source yogurts this morning)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)

1/4 cup skim milk in coffee (0.5)

2 pieces of whole wheat bread (2)
2 slices of deli-turkey (1)
lettuce and tomato (0)

1/4 large white pita (0.5)
1 1/2 tbsp. hummus (1)

1 grande skinny vanilla latte (3) (here i go with the lingo again)

1/2 cup all bran flakes (1)
1/2 cup kashi golean crunch! (2)
1 cup plain silk light (1)
4 large strawberries (0) --> these may actually be 1 point, have to double check
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

9 points left. since we'll most likely be grabbing bar food for dinner, i had a big bowl of cereal around 5 pm. hopefully it tides me over for the eveing - i'm a flipping animal around food when i'm hungry. probably should have had a snack with some more protein in it, but the berries i bought today at the grocery store just looked so good!

i had to work on a group project this morning, which kind of sucked (our meeting started at 9:30 am - i'm not even human at the hour in the morning - note to self: this will have to change when i start work in the fall). i met my roomie for lebanesse food after. since i had a small sandwich at our meeting, i just nibbled at her plate (disclaimer: usually i don't do this, but rooms and i are so tight we don't mind sharing the occasional pita and hummus appetizer).

anyways, i then went shopping and bought 2 shirts at american apparel. god, i love american apparel. it's so effing smart. i mean, cute little clothes in every color of the rainbow? genius!! one draw back to american apparel (and this is by no means thier fault): the new location in london is only a few blocks away from me, so i drop oodles of money there each month. it's so accessible i plan outfits around clothes i don't even own yet. tonight's ensemble, for example, involves me running down the street to pick up a new vest. seriously, i need to get this addiction under control. it's like i need to go to aa for aa. brutal.

okkk, so enough about clothing. let's talk about eating (baby, let's talk about you and... i'm stopping now). i've been 100% on plan for 6 days now. i haven't been able to stay on track like this since january. it's inevitable that i'm going to go over my 35 flex tonight, but i'm not going to go over by too much (you got that stomach?). my plan of attack: make smart choices and say no to grease. and that includes you, delicious poutine from sammy souvlaki's.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

spring has sprung

the weather is finally turning around here in canada. it was gorgeous outside today - moderate temperature, sunny skies, birds singing, etc. just beautiful out! warm weather puts me in such a great mood. the bleak winter weather had really been getting to me the past few weeks. but no more!

yesterday was my last day of class at university. end of an era, you might say. not i, though - just the start of the next one! school has been great, but i've grown out of it. i'm ready for a change. i'm really excited to start work (i know those of you with jobs may be rolling your eyes at this, haha). i can't wait to make some serious coin (even though it's not going to be that serious in the first few years), move back to toronto, and get a new place. london's been great - it's just a little too small for me. i'm a whole lotta woman for this one horse town!

ugh, and did i mention that i've been sick with bronchitis the past few days? i think it's from all of the stress i've been under the past few weeks, with the break up and all. i haven't had a good nights sleep in a while. well until last night, that is - i slept like a log for about 16 hours. i'm feeling much better now and even plan on going out tonight. god, i'm such a rebel!

eating has been 110% on track the past few days. since i do have bronchitis, i don't plan on drinking much tonight. i haven't been able to work out, but i did walk home from school today to get some exercise in (1 activity point). yesterday i was well under my points limit (i guess that happens when you sleep for 70% of the day). i find that when i'm under by more than a point or two one day i'm ravenous the next! today was no exception - i could have eaten anything that wasn't nailed down. but resist i did. here's what i've had to eat so far:

1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)
1 large orange (1)

1 cup campbell's garden minestrone soup (1)
3 tbsp. shredded cheese (1.5)
1 grande extra hot skinny vanilla latte (3) --> yes, i'm one of those annoying people who speaks "starbucks". might have something to do with the fact that my roomie worked there over the summer

1 fruit and yogurt parfait from school snack bar (4)

1 nutri-grain peanut bar (3)
1 source yogurt (1)

1 cup cooked whole wheat pasta (3)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
loads of veggies (0)

total is 23, with 2 to spare plus 1 activity point. that means i can have 1.5 drinks guilt-free and will be dipping into my flex to cover the rest (hopefully not too many more). my goal for tonight is not to go out for post-bar food.

today i booked my plane tickets to and from the south-pacific. very exciting! i leave on may 12th and don't plan on returning until july 10th.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

daily wrap up

nothing too crazy to report today. just wanted to give a quick update on my healthy eating goals.

eating has been on track. i'm at 24.5 points and plan on heading to bed in the next hour or so (i.e., no late-night snacking). feeling pretty good about this, since i was so tempted to binge earlier today. here's my menu from today:

1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup unsweetened frozen blueberries (0.5)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)

coffee with 1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
1 source yogurt (1)
1 all bran bar (2)

1 chicken pita pit salad (3)
3 tbsp. store-bought hummus (1.5)

tea with 1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
1 nutri-grain peanut bar (3)

2 small oranges (1)

2 cups edamame (3)
8 small pieces salmon sushi (3)
8 small pieces vegetable sushi (2.5)

unfortunately, wasn't able to get much exercise in (other than a few minutes walking here and there). i feel as though i'm coming down with a bit of a cold, so i plan on heading to the doc on campus tomorrow after class. hopefully i'll be feeling better so that (1) i can get some quality running in and (2) my posts won't be sooo lame.

oh! but before i forget, must give an update on my travel plans. looks like things with mr. new zealand are really heating up. we talked for about an hour last night and it sounds as though he's fully committed to backpacking with me for the last 3 weeks of my trip. wahoo!