i'm sick and tired of my own self-loathing. sure, i appear to be bright and cheerful on the outside, but there's always this little voice in my head saying, "oh no, don't eat that - it'll make you fat!" or "if only you were 5 lbs. thinner you would be so much happier." stop it! (yes, i realize that i did just yell at voices in my head... starting to feel like a bit of a loon). but i truly do want it to stop. i want to be feel comfortable and happy in my own skin. i want to stop putting myself down for having dessert once and while or only working out for 30 mins. when i needed to work out for 40 mins. to get that extra activity point.
when it comes down to it, i truly believe that i am happy with who i am - my person, my friends and family, my body. take today, for example. when i was lifting weights at the gym i felt so strong - i was proud of myself for what my body could do, not necessarily for how it looked doing it. these are the emotions i need to channel. and channel them i will!
that being said, i was hungover as all hell this morning, which resulted in a mini gorge on pancakes and chocolate chip cookies (president's choice "the decadent" cookies... all of you canadians out there know what i'm talking about). but, in the spirit of today's "i love me" theme, i am not going to feel bad about it. i made a choice and i'm moving on. ever since then i've been right on track - went to the gym and had a protein shake when i got home. i mean, could i have made healthier choices?!
ooo and interesting update on my friend from new zealand: he sent me a graduation card! how cute is that? looks like he's going to be joining me for one leg of my journey in june/july, as well. i'm pretty excited about it. we have a phone date coming up this week... i'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it!
i have a big weekend ahead of me, so i'm going to focus on making smart choices... and loving myself. yup, i'm going to be walking around as though i'm wearing one of those retro-chic "i heart ny" shirts, but instead of "ny" it says "me". that's right, uber dork here. but a dork that loves herself for who she is nonetheless!