break ups never end

it's been 2 days and i can't seem to go through with it. i've tried twice: once on the phone (i backed out because i didn't want to break up with him on the phone) and the second time last night/this morning. when i said "i think we have to go our separate ways" he got so upset. i've never seen him like that before. it broke my heart. so we talked about putting this decision off until the summer when we won't be long-distance anymore. i agreed to this, even though i don't know if i should have. i mean, i love him so much, i don't want to hurt him, but at the same time i'm 21 and ready to live my own life. ugh! i hate this - no matter what i do i'll be letting one of us down. i told him that i have my doubts about this decision, and he said he understood. i just wish i had the courage to go through with it! ugh. i feel like emotional crap.

anyways, on the positive side, i came home and went for a run (40 mins. - go me!) and tracked my points for the first time in days. i feel really good about getting back on track. it'll be tough to stay on track while i'm going through this relationship hell, but i'm going to do my best. when everything else in my life is going to shit, i might as well keep my healthy habits up!

alright, so here's what i've had to eat today:

1/2 cup quaker 1-minute oats (3)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

1/2 cup source yogurt with 1/2 cup frozen raspberries (1)
1 medium apple (1)

1 ww bagel (2)
1 hardboiled egg mixed with 1 tbsp. low-fat mayo (3)
spinach and 1 medium tomato (0.5)
1 100-calorie pack of cheetos (2)

1 40 min. run, 5 mins. of which was walking (-4)

that leaves me with 11.5 daily points, and 4 activity points (total of 15.5 points). totally manageable.

i'm at my parent's house in toronto now and plan on spending the rest of the day doing "feel good" things, like cooking and painting (little known fact about me is that i'm way into sketching, painting, and fashion design). maybe i'll even walk my dog. looks like this "non-breakup-breakup" is already making me a better person!