Thursday, November 20, 2008

a quickie

1. i binged today. although not huge. it was a 2 out of 10, or a fender bender if you will. hopefully my fender won't be bending outwards anytime soon. does that make sense? whatever. i had: 1 medium sugar-free yogen fruz with raspberries and blueberries (leave it to me to cave into my ice cream craving on 1 of the coldest days of the year), 2 cups grapes, 2 clementimes, and 12 Quality Street chocolates. to note: this did take place over the course of 3 hours, in the midst of which i made the 50 minute walk home from my friend's pad. also to note: friend is female. i am still very much alone in this winter wonderland.

2. 10 points left until sunday. cocktail party after work tmrw. one of my best friend's birthdays on saturday. twilight tickets for sunday. can i do it? why, yes i can! plan of attack: earn 3 activity points at tomorrow's workout to cover 1 glass of wine at cocktail part; earn 5 activity points on saturday via heavy-duty cardio to allow for 6 drinks at night (total 12 points - have to leave some room for a snack somewhere along the way); and, smartpop-it on sunday (besides, i'll be too busy drooling during the movie to eat).

3. i'm jealous of my friends with boyfriends. when it's winter, all i want is a boyfriend. and not just because my birthday and xmas fall within 2 weeks of each other (ca-ching, ca-ching! ahhh jeeze, givemeabreak - i'm kidding!), but because when it's cold outside, and i'm cold inside (dbc factoid of the day: i have poor circulation, which means i'm shivering even when it's sweltering out), all i want to do is snuggle up with someone by a fireplace and drink cocoa. not that this ever happened in my last relationship, or the 1 before that, or... ever really. but when i DO meet the perfect guy... well, you now know what we'll be doing when it's blizzzarding out. and it will be magical. and 150% non-sexual ;) because that's what perfect people in perfect relationships do right? right? no? you mean their virgins? stopping now...

4. i'm still being slammed by work.

5. my aunt is doing better - fingers crossed!! i. love. you. healthy thoughts your way.

6. my sugar high from 1,789,578,234 candies i had is starting to wear off and now i have a headache. owie!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

another day, another post

well hello there, world. it's me, dbc - you may not recognize me as i've spent the past 2 weeks under a rock, also known as the downtown toronto tower in which i work. i've been working morning, noon, and night - and when i'm not working, i'm recuperating from working. take this weekend, for example. 2 all nighters (wed. +thurs.) does not for a fun weekend make. in fact, the past 2 nights i've been in bed by 11 pm. i'm so wiped i couldn't even make it through an entire session with my personal trainer yesterday. i feel like such a wimp!

i wish i could say that work is the worst of my problems right now, but it's not - this week i found out that my very dear great aunt has ovarian cancer. now, don't let her status as my "great aunt" confound you - having grown up without any grandparents, she is the closest thing i've ever had to a grandmother, and that is what i consider her to be. unfortunately for my family, ovarian cancer isn't the most, hmmm, how to put this, "humane" of cancers - very little can be done once it spreads. and spread it has. it's a silent killer - 1 one minute you think you're fine (no symptoms, no nothing), and the next wham! you find out if you've had it for about 2 years. needless to say, i plan on spending my day with her in the hospital.

due to the obscene hours i've been putting in at work i've fallen off the bandwagon hard - and i mean HARD. in fact, it's more like the bandwagon ran over me a few times (reverse, drive forward, reverse, drive forward, ... repeat times 80) ok, ok, perhaps i'm being slightly melodramatic. at last sunday's weigh in i was down to 146.5 lbs (loss of about 0.6), but i couldn't face the music today - thursday through last night were miserable with a capital m. what's frustrating is that i wasn't even working yesterday and up until dinner i was 110% on track. but then one treat led to another which led to 4 fudgeos (ahhh, the delights of still living at home), which led to about a cup of chocolate fudge crackle ice cream. the whole time i kept thinking to myself, "why the eff am i eating this? i'm not even hungry! in fact, i'm still full from yesterday's binge fest!" but ate i did and now i need to get the eff over it. when i eat like that (not that i ate tons of food, but i ate mindlessly - without control), i still get really upset with myself. so, how can i prevent this from happening again? well, i'll tell you:

1. consider the emotional consequences first. although it may taste great at the time, it's really not worth it after the fact.
2. find other stress releases! distract, distract, distract. sure, bingeing may make my problems "disappear" temporarily, but it really only adds another one to the list in the long run. realize that it's not a solution - it's a diversion, and a negative one at that.

my first goal for this week is not to be perfect in my healthy habits, but to improve upon last week - baby steps always.

something i've realized about myself through all of this (excessive work, lack of social life, family troubles) is that when i'm not happy i don't take care of myself. i let the things that are truly important to me slip, which only exacerbates my fears. i need to stop this vicious cycle before it truly spirals out of control. which brings me to my second goal for the week: focus on being happy or, when it comes to my great aunt, making the best of sh*tty circumstances.

one thing that makes me very happy: twilight premier next weekend!! edward, er, robert pattison, makes me feel like a 14-year-old school girl again and i absolutely love it. he is such a dreamboat... us single girls need our outlets ;)

Sunday, November 2, 2008

november challenge

unfortunately don't have time for a well thought-out post today, as i'm just sitting down to watch gossip girl, a.k.a. queen b slay her interview at yale with s. anyways, since i now spend my days making "sick decks", i will now proceed to itemize the major going ons in my life over the past 2 months:

1. attended new york fashion week in september. naturally, it was incredible. had the best time attending the shows, going for dinner at fancy restaurants, partying in the rainbow room, ... aaamazing.
2. saw my ex-bf with his new gf out on the town. oh, and did i mention the new girl works with him? and that he recruited her to work with him last winter, when were still very much together? well now you know. that was a tough week or two.
3. started my new job in early october. it's amazing! i love the people, the projects, the atmosphere, everything. it's great. just great. i'm very happy there.

and now onto the topic at hand, my november challenge. see, the thing is i was hugely successful with dropping weight until about thanksgiving weekend. then i was at my lowest weight in years at 145.8 lbs (please keep in mind that my scale weighs about 3 lbs heavy - i use it for reference more than anything). last sunday i was 147.1 lbs. this weekend, however, was a total and complete disaster. i want to get back on track, working towards my ultimate goal of 135 lbs. the following is my strategy for doing just that:

24 points per day, 35 flex points per week. focus on core foods, and avoid eating processed foods and aspartame as much as possible. keep sodium to a minimum - i.e., sushi once per week, few soups, no popcorn (even if it is smartpop), etc. save flex points for social engagements.

aim to workout 5 times per week, ideally 3 times during the week and twice on weekends. meet with personal trainer every thursday morning before work. and always stretch! not stretching after working out equals more pain and less calories burned.

aim for 7 hours per night. in bed by 10:30 pm to wake up at 5:30 am.

no binge eating. do not manage work-related stresses with food. come home, relax, clean, shop, blog, whatever. just don't eat. and as for that whole new boy situation? remember that eating because you're happy is still emotional eating. you got that?