check out my horoscope from this past saturday (the day matt and i officially called it quits):
"you've been trying hard to be what you imagine you ought to be rather than being who you are. respect is gained when people know you're true to your principles."
the past few days i've been thinking long and hard about why it didn't feel "right" with matt and i think my horoscope hits the nail on the head when it says that i was pretending to be something that i wasn't. matt's a great guy - as i've mentioned before - and for the past few years i've wanted him to be the guy for me. but in reality he wasn't, so i changed myself to be better suited to him and assumed that everything was a-ok. until i grew up a little more and realized that playing pretend is only fun for so long. i was sick of playing his girlfriend and am finally ready to be my own person. i'm officially boy free for the first time in 2.5 years and i couldn't be more excited to grow into myself. through all of this sadness i've learned a very valuable lesson: never compromise your own person to make someone else happy.
the past few days have been tough - i've definitely had my ups and downs - but my friends and family have been a great support to me. pretty sure i have plans every night for the next few days! exercise has also been a great stress relief. i've only taken one day off from working out in the past week (yesterday - we had a graduation dinner so i was short on time), which i'm very proud of myself for. it's reassuring to know that when the going gets tough, i get running! i've been venturing outside lately and the fresh air is definitely doing me some good. i even walked home from school today (about 35 min. walk) to clear my head. i'm really enjoying the time i'm taking for myself to think about everything that's been going on - even though most of my thought sessions often end in a blubbery phone call to my mom (god bless her little heart)!
while exercising has been great, my eating has seen better days. actually, it was just last night that my eating was off track. and by off track i mean completely derailed. i went to the keg with some friends for dinner, and let's just say that when you're half a bottle of wine in, there's no holding me back from that bread - mmm, keg bread is perhaps one of the best inventions of all time! eurydice just posted some motivating tips, so i'm thinking of printing them out and sticking them on my fridge. hey, a little inspiration never hurt anyone!
ooo and finally, new zealand boy is back and writing to me like it's his job (sweet! - sidenote: still considering myself boy free because he lives on the other side of the world), and it looks like i might be touring asia for the summer instead of settling in australia. it'll be interesting to see how my summer plans unfold over the next few days!