Thursday, February 28, 2008

update from amsterdam

wow it's been a long time since i last posted. i'm going to have to keep this one short and sweet, as i only have 8 minutes and 18 seconds left of internet time.

europe has been amazing! it's an entirely other world over here. it's taken me a while to get used to the different lifestyle, but now that i've adjusted to it, i'm in complete and total love. everyone here is so chill. and the food is amazing. pretty sure i eat baguette/pastry with every meal and snack.

so let's talk about the food in europe. and let's talk about it in the most concise way possible - pros and cons style:
pro 1: it's delicious.
con 1: it's so delicious i can't stop eating it.
pro 2: it's cheap.
con 2: actually, it's not that cheap at all. i never think of euros in canadian dollars, so really i'm paying 50% more for everything over here than i would back home in canada. (disclaimer - after re-reading this post, i don't really know why this is on my list - but, since i feel it captures the "state" that i've been in for the past few days, i've decided not to delete it - *wink*wink*)
pro 3: there are different mcflurry flavors in each country.
con 3: i feel obligated to try each mcflurry flavor, as mcflurries are the most delicious things ever invented (minus peanut m&ms, my mother's baking, and a few other select items).
pro 4: it's full of calories, so theoretically i should stay fuller longer.
con 4: notice my use of "theoretically" in the above line. in actuality, fat makes me want to consume more fat, so this pro isn't a pro at all... it's a lie!

conclusion: i have noticed a visible difference in the size of my belly over the past 8 days. my clothes are snugger. even my tights! gasp!

prognosis: enjoy the last few days in europe, and get the hell back on track on tuesday. until then, make good choices. drink water. walk loads.

i hope everyone else has been having an enjoyable week. i haven't been able to check your blogs lately, but will be sure to do so when i'm back in canada.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

bonne voyage!!

lately my posts have been pretty negative, so my goal for today's post is to keep it positive. and i don't think it'll be hard to do because.... drumroll please... i'm going to europe tomorrow!! saweet!!

instead of doing the typical, "oh i'm in 4th year, let's go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and drink pina coladas and hook up with randoms/ex-boyfriends/friends/etc." for 7 days, my roomie, our good friend ash, and myself are heading over the pond to europe. we're flying to the uk tomorrow night, and then to paris on saturday. we plan on spending a few days in paris, and then training to amsterdam and possibly berlin. i've never been to paris, so on a scale of 1 to 10 for excitement, i'm pushing a 9.

in all of the stress and craziness that has been the past few weeks, i completely forgot about our trip. but the first thing that came to me this morning was a vision of my friends and i standing infront of the eiffel tower, with red berrets and dark lipstick, chain smoking, and drinking wine. god, sometimes i am just sooo "adult". i'll be sure to posts pics when i get back.

ok, so this next part is going to be a bit tricky, since i've promised to be positive in this post and when it comes to this issue, it can be incredibly hard for me to do so at times. i'm just going to bite the bullet and say it: today was weigh in, and i gained 2.3 pounds. i'm not going to scream, or curse, or pinch my belly to see if the fat is "really there". i'm going to accept it, move on, and continue making positive changes. i know why the scale went up this week: my emotions were out of sorts, and i ate to try to calm them. obviously, and as i should know by now, this didn't work. but that's a-ok, because today i'm miss. cheery and i refuse to: (1) feel guilty, (2) feel bad about myselfk, (3) overeat in an attempt to feel "better", and (4) look into the mirror and think about what i would look like if only i was a little thinner. no, not today.

here's what i've had to eat so far today:
1/2 cup oatmeal (2.5)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1 small orange (0.5)
1 coffee with 1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)

1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1 cup frozen whole strawberries (0)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1/2 tbsp. light cream cheese (0.5)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)

1 cup gardenay squash soup (1.5)
1 ww wrap (1)
1/2 can tuna in water (1.5)
1/2 tbsp. light mayo (0.5)

1/2 cup Nature's Path flakes (0.5)
1/4 cup GoLean Crunch (1)
1/2 cup Almond Breeze (0.5)
1/4 cup frozen blueberries (0)

Dinner is tbd. going back home to toronto tonight to see the bf before i leave. i'm pretty excited. he's been such a great support during the past few days.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

horrible day = lots of lessons learned

as i wrote earlier this evening, i'm having a horrible day. i'm in the midst of working on a major group project, which is due at the end of this week. we've had this project for almost a year, but most of my group didn't really start working on it until mid january. i began working on it in november and have been holding regular meetings to encourage people to also get their asses into gear since then. all of my attempts up until about a month ago failed miserably.

there were originally 3 girls and 3 guys in my group. however, 2 of the girls are on exchange this semester, leaving the 3 guys and i to finish the project on our own. my closest friends in the group are these 2 girls. i wish they could have been here tonight!

so allow me to schoot the shit (pardon my french): we had a meeting this evening and i did not act appropriately. i let the stress of this project get to me, and i lashed out at my group members (i wasn't cruel, but firm... and to be fair, i made a point of doing it in the nicest way possible). i openly complained that they were not doing enough. this past weekend, for example, two of them went to the us drinking, while i spent a good portion of it working on the project. the other group member was mia for most of the weekend.

when two of them left the meeting to do what i thought were separate things, i spoke candidly with the other one about how i was feeling (let's call him "sean", not because i want to protect his privacy, but because that's his name, and if he should ever stumble upon this blog, i want thim to know how i feel right now... grrr!). i told him that i was feeling under appreciated, and that i wanted all of us to do well on this project. sean sat with me and helped me work through a problem, which made me feel somewhat better. the other 2 came back in the room and chatted briefly with us before leaving for the night. sean and i stayed longer, and i thought that we were getting along very well. he finally went home, and i stayed to continue working.

about 30 minutes after he left, sean messaged me on msn. he told me that when the other 2 guys left the room, they were actually planning on how to "deal" with me. sean mentionned that he and our other 2 group members no longer trust me with the project, and that they plan on taking it over from here on out. all of this he volunteered to me; i didn't pry to learn more about what they were saying about me behind my back. the worst part is that he ended the conversation with, "anyways, this conversation is pointless, i don't know why we're even talking about this" (sidenote: at this point i was thinking, "you're telling me this to try to make me feel like shit, scumbag!!") we haven't spoken since.

so i called my bf, and i cried. yes, i cried about a stupid school project. did i mention that i'm 21? yup, crying at 21 over a school project = very not cool.

so, what have i learned from this experience? well, lots:

1. never trust sean again. i have worked with him before on group projects, and in the past he has acted poorly. as of right now, feb. 20th, 2008, i vow to never work with sean again. all of you in internet land can be my witnesses. (note: i saved my msn convo with sean as a reminder of this lesson... and to possibly use as blackmail against him later on).
2. take a chill pill. it really doesn't matter how i do in school right now, as i have a sweet job lined up for me when i graduate. learn to stress about things when it matters, and not when it doesn't. tonight, for example, i really didn't need to stress.
3. do not lash out at others when you're feeling stressed. no further explanation needed here.
4. sean deserves to be kicked in the balls for kicking me when i was down. do not ever, i repeat ever, open up to him again. save your emotions for people who aren't going to turn around and use them to hurt you (this includes my dear bf, roomie, girl friends, etc.)
5. blogging is a great way to turn negative experiences into positive ones.

alright, enough bitching and whining. i'm going to zipit. but before i do, here's my plan for dealing with sean and the other 2 group members until this project is over:

- work from home or somewhere i won't run into them. the less face time, the better.
- put your head down and get my work done. in the end, an extra hour or 2 will have no impact on my final mark.
- do what has been assigned to me, and no more. do not "go the extra mile". it's their problem now.
- exercise. it's a great stress relief. and i'll be extra motivated because i'll be angry (my best workouts are always when i'm super angry... i'm going to kick the crap out of that treadmill tomorrow).
- get a good nights sleep.

good night!

oh! and obviously, since my emotions were out of control, i ate to feel better. and surprise, surprise, i feel worse than i did before i ate.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


i'm going crazy!! i have so much school work to do, i don't know what to do with myself. i'm working on all of these group projects, and they're just going so effing slowly. ahhhh! i want my mom. yup, i just wrote that. this sucks.

i was back on track until today, when i fell off the bandwagon again. i'm so angry with myself, and my guilty feelings are only adding to my stress level. i need to breathe. drink some tea. relax. everything is going to be a-ok. repeat.

after this week is over, i'm officially never procrastinating again. you think by 4th year i would know this by now. but this time i'm serious.

i will try to post again later today. hopefully by then i will have taken a chill pill and have stopped freaking out. again: breathe in, beathe out.

tonight's goal: no more junk!! healthy foods only.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

a quickie

i'm pretty swamped with work right now, so i'm going to have to keep this post quick.

i'm having a great weekend. didn't get nearly as much done as i wanted to work-wise, but had an awesome time volunteering and spending time with my friends. last night i went to watch my super good-looking friend's band play at a local pub. they're a cover band, so i spent the whole night dancing to 90s punk hits (ok, i also spent a good amount of time checking my friend out... did i mention that he's uber hot?). it was so much fun! i planned on only going to watch one of their sets and coming home around midnight to do some work, but i got pretty drunk off of cheap beer and didn't get home until 2:30 am. ahhh well, i'm still glad i went. i only have 2 more months of university, so i'm going to enjoy it dammit!

yesterday i took my lunch to volunteering with me and no one cared in the least. i was so proud of myself for turning down domino's pizza (my favorite, might i add). instead, i had a tuna wrap with cut up veggies. unfortunately i fell off the bandwagon a bit when i got home. i didn't feel like making dinner, so i had a bowl of cereal, and then another, and then a third. that's right - 3 bowls of cereal, 1 sitting. pretty sure i ate a good 1/2 box of GoLean Crunch and another 1/4 box of Nature's Path flakes. that's not even including the 1/2 carton of silk light i threw on there. but, i've decided not to beat myself up about it. too much wasted energery. i realize that this is a learning process, and that the best thing i can do is move forward and make good decisions. and that's exactly what i've been doing today.

i have 12 points left for the day, plus the 4 activity points i earned at the gym this morning. 16 points should last me to the end of the day easily.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

looong day

wow. what a day. so much fun, but so much food. i think i consumed 10 billion calories today (give or a take a million or two). as i mentionned yesterday, i spent the day volunteering. both lunch and dinner were provided: lunch was a buffet of sandwiches, fruit, and tortilla chips, and dinner was a pasta bar. i made healthy choices at lunch, but fell off the bandwagon at dinner. oh, and i fell hard. in fact, it was more like my bandwagon caught on fire and exploded into thousands of little pieces. seriously - it was calorie hell. at this point in time i don't even know if there is a bandwagon for me to get back on. anyways, here's what i ate: 1 large serving of vegetarian pasta (ravioli in tomato sauce), 1 large serving of chicken pasta (cream sauce + lots of cheese = fat on my stomach), 2 bread sticks, 1 serving of salad, 5 Hershey's kisses, and 1 Chocolate Extreme Blizzard from Dairy Queen (in my defense, i ate the Blizzard a few hours after dinner). ugh! and guess how i feel right now? guilty, lethargic, and fat.

i know that the best thing i can do is to track all of my points and plan for tomorrow. i'm also volunteering tomorrow, but only until mid-afternoon (it's a 2 day committment). lunch is pizza. i'm considering bringing my own lunch so as to avoid eating it. i know that pizza is one of my trigger foods and abstaining from it all together will ensure that i stay on plan. however, i'm worried that the people holding the event will think that i'm being rude and inconsiderate by not eating the food. sometimes eating healthy can be such a social faux pas!

my getting back on track plan:

eat filling breakfast with protein:
1 egg (2)
2 ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. jam (1)
1/2 cup Astro plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
1/4 silk light with 1 cup coffee (0.5)

eat a small snack before lunch:
12 almonds (2)
1 apple (1)

plan to work out in the afternoon:
earn at least 4 activity points (30 minutes running, 35 minutes on the eliptical trainer, etc.)

Friday, February 15, 2008

in the groove

wow, i am so full of energy right now i don't know what to do with myself. i'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's the sugar free red bull i drank four hours ago that's keeping me up. sometimes i do really stupid things. like drink a can of red bull at 10 pm when i want to be in bed by 12:30 am. oh well, what's done is done. i might as well make use of my artificially high energy level.

tomorrow is going to be tough. i'm volunteering all day, and both lunch and dinner are being "provided". i say "provided" because chances are it's going to be domino's pizza for lunch and pizza pizza for dinner, and neither of those options appeal to me. i won't be getting in any activity points tomorrow, so i'll probably have to dip into my flex. not to worry - i have 32.5 to get me to next thursday. i know i can do it! i've packed lots of healthy snacks to tide me over, as well. here's what i'm bringing with me:

sliced vegetables (carrots, celery, and cherry tomatoes) (0)
1 medium apple (1)
1 small orange (1)
12 almonds (2)
1 Luna bar (3)
1 Source yogurt (1)

i'm also considering bringing some oatmeal and peanut butter to make in the microwave at school if i really don't like the food being offered. i don't want to seem rude, but i want to stick to my diet and fitness goals!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

happy, happy day!

today has been sweet. i woke up around 9 am to my bf calling to wish me a happy 2 year anniversary and valentine's day. it's so nice waking up to someone telling you how much they love you and how beautiful they think you are. it was a great start to the day!

but then something truly wonderful happened. i stepped on the scale and i was down 2 pounds! that's right bitches, i'm back at 145 (where i was in the fall), and i'm pretty effing happy about it. so what did i do to celebrate? i went to the gym and got in a good 1 hour workout for a total of 4 activity points. i'm so healthy it hurts. after the gym i went out for sushi with my roomie and her mom. it was delicious. i could eat sushi forever. i used up a lot of points at lunch (8.5 to be exact), so i'm going to have to be extra careful for the rest of today.

also, today is my 5th day on track. wahoo! usually i break down and binge around day 3 or 4. don't get me wrong - i still have massive cravings - but the difference this time is that i haven't been giving into them. yesterday, for example, i could have eaten my weight in chocolate. to get my mind out of the gutter, i did everything i could think of to stay busy: made a nice dinner, cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed my bathroom, organized my closet, etc. and it worked. thank you jesus.

my menu for today:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
chai tea with 1/4 cup silk light (0.5)

1/3 cup uncooked oatmeal (1.5)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

1 green salad with dressing (1)
1 1/2 cups edamame (1.5)
8 small pieces tuna shushi (3)
8 small pieces salmon sushi (3)

1/2 scoop whey powder (1)
1/2 medium banana (1)
1 cup frozen strawberries (0)
1/2 cup silk light (0.5)

and, as always, dinner is tbd. i have lots of healthy foods in my fridge, so it should be a good one.

last week i regretted not doing enough work on wednesday and thursday. but yesterday i did nothing after i handed in my assignment. and today i've been too busy deciding whether or not i should go out tonight to do any work (my life is full of problems). looks like i should get down to work and stat. school can be so lame.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

week 1 in review

well, first of all, i accomplished all of my weekly goals. i saved up tons of flex points for the weekend with my bf, i worked out 4 times (twice at the gym and twice in my building), i posted regularly, and i drank a lot ot water. the last one actually got me into a little bit of trouble: one of my profs noticed me periodically leaving his class and asked me what the eff i was doing (my response? i just pointed to my 1 litre bottled of evian and shrugged). sometimes you have to make sacrifices to be skinny.

anyhoo, i'm particularly proud of myself for going to my building gym today. i really, really did not want to go. but in my laziness i stumbled upon a little saying ("you never regret going to the gym, but you do regret not going"), which made me feel guilty about feeling guilty about not going, so i dragged my butt downstairs for some exercise. i ran intervals for 25 minutes. my goal was to run for 30 minutes, but i found my workout to be extra difficult today (maybe because i was super tired?)

one thing i really shouldn't have done this week: pig out on saturday. i knew that i would be going out for a fancy dinner with the bf, so i "reasoned" that the entire day was a write off. i felt so gross afterwards, and i probably would have enjoyed the dinner more if i hadn't been so full of food going into it. i really need to shake this kind of thinking. it doesn't get me anywhere.

lastly, i love exercise! i was feeling lethargic before my run, but now i have so much energy. next time i don't feel like working out, i should remember this feeling. it feels good to be break a sweat.

lacking motivation

menu for today:

1 ww bagel (2)
1 egg (2)
1 Source yogurt (1)
1 cup frozen strawberries (0)
1/4 cup silk light (0.5)
1 cup coffee

1 apple (1)
1 Source yogurt (1)
1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
1 large coffee

pita pit salad with:
6 falafel ball-things (3)
3 tbsp. hummus (1.5)
lots of veggies (0)

1 scoop whey protein powder (2)
1/2 cup silk light (0.5)
1 cup frozen strawberries (1)
1 Source yogurt (1)

1/3 cup uncooked oatmeal (1.5)
1/2 tbsp. all natural peanut butter (1)

as of right now, dinner has yet to determined. i went grocery shopping today, so i have lots of options. i'm thinking of making white fish, with sweet potato fries, and a salad. it's my favorite dinner!

my fitness goal for the day is to go to the gym in my building and run on the treadmill for 30 minutes. i have very little motivation right now, having just come off of 3 very stressful days at school (handed in my final assignment this morning at 8 - phew!). not surprisingly, i haven't been sleeping much lately, which has made it hard to stay within my daily points (i ran out of flex points mid-way through a burrito early saturday morning). when i'm stressed and tired, all i want to do is eat and eat and eat some more. however, i've resisted the urge and have been on track since sunday. way to go me! now all i have to do is get one more workout in this week and i will have accomplished almost all of my weekly goals. i can't wait for my flex points to reset tomorrow.

tomorrow is valentines day and my two-year anniversary with my boyfriend. yeah, it's pretty corny that we started dating on v-day, but we did, so i'm going to celebrate the shit out of it (read: get wasted with my friends). i wish i could go back to the city to see him, but i can't because i'm volunteering all day friday and have to be on campus by 9:00 am. oh well! we had such a wonderful weekend together. i miss him so much. i really am so lucky to have such a great guy in my life.

lately i've been feeling pretty antsy at school, and i think it's been coming out in my eating. i'm nervous to graduate, yet so excited at the same time. i feel as though my mixed emotions are rearing their ugly heads in the form of late night binges (like that burrito at 2 am on saturday... yeah, like i really stopped eating it when i ran out of flex points). i need to find another way to handle my emotions. eating doesn't help anything. but even though i know this, sometimes i just can't seem to stop myself.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

on the edge...

i'm on the brink of a binge right now. i have a test in 15 minutes, and another assignment due for tomorrow. i've already accepted that i'm going to have to skip my early evening class to get it all done. ugh, i hate missing classes, but i know that the next week is going to be jam packed with work, so loosing out on sleep right now would not be a good idea.

goal for today = do not go over daily points!! just don't do it!! i have 12.5 points left for today. please god, let me stay away from all things evil and full of calories.

i'll post later today with an update and recap of yesterday (here's a little preview: i was 100% on track!!)

Monday, February 11, 2008


yay me! yesterday i stayed on plan, and even managed to squeeze in a 45-minute work out before i went to bed. i ate 27 points, 2 above my target of 25 per day. but i also earned 4 activity points from my work out, so i'm still on track. i'm hoping today goes just as well as yesterday. here's my planned menu for the day:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)
1/3 cup plain non-fat yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
1 cup coffee with 1/4 cup silk light (0.5)

1 all bran bar (2)
1 Source yogurt (1)

2/3 cup cooked whole wheat pasta (1.5)
1 cup canned crushed tomatoes with spices (0)
1/2 can of tuna (1.5)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
1 small orange (0.5)

don't know what i'm going to do about afternoon snack or dinner yet. i'll probably grab something on campus for my snack, and then come home to whip up something delicious for dinner.

ahhh! only drawback to yesterday: i didn't get as much done as i was hoping to. i got the first 2 things on my list done, but i still have the remaining 3 to do, as well as the things on my to do list for today. yikes! it's going to be another busy day. i'm thinking of skipping my last class of the day (shhh!)

alright, now for today's goals:
1. stay on on plan - under 25 daily points
2. try to squeeze in some exercise - even just riding the bike or walking inclines in my building for about 25 minutes
3. get school work done!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

sunday no-fun-day

i have a lot of work to do today. i mean a lot of work. i'm slightly stressed. i should have done more work on wednesday and thursday before i went away for the weekend. oh well, looking back on what i should have done is not going to help me get through it all today. here's is what i have to do:
1. prepare case for group meeting - due this evening
2. prepare case for class - due tomorrow morning
3. study for geob test - due tomorrow (practice test) and tuesday (actual test)
4. write negotiation paper - due wednesday morning
5. nvp - due next week (ahhh!)

actually, when i write it all out, it doesn't seem like i have THAT much to do. that being said, today is still going to be a busy day. but i'm ready for it. i've taken 2 advils, got my chai tea, and put on my study clothes (also known as super baggy compfy clothes). here i go!

before i get down to work, a little recap on my eating this weekend (after all, this is a healthy living blog!) so i didn't stay away from the alcohol on friday night. in fact, i got pretty wasted. and then i went to burrito boyz and had a delicious chicken burrito, extra spicy (yeah you heard me, i'm tough like that). saturday was not much better. in fact, it was much worse. it was my unofficial anniversary anniversary (it's this week, but we won't be able to see each other on the actual day), so i decided to celebrate by stuffing myself full of left over pizza and chips from the night before. there were even times when i remember thinking, "i don't want to eat this, i'm just eating this because it's here." ugh! that's the kind of mindset i need to break. if only i listened to my inner voice more often.

anyways, my bf and i spent our non-anniversary anniversary by going to the mall and watching a movie (we're a wild and crazy couple). we also went out for an amazing tapas-style dinner. on our way back to his place after dinner, we bought all of the fixings to make icecream sundaes, which we made right before we went to bed (not good for the waist line!) so unncessary, yet so phenomenal.

so, in summary, i feel like a big pile of crap today. a big pile of fat crap.

Friday, February 8, 2008


i didn't make one of my goals today. i went over my activity points and used some of my flex points to cover my mountain of a dinner. i used 5.5 flex points, to be exact. right now i'm really frustrated with myself. i was planning on saving as many points as possible for my big dinner out tomorrow night. now i only have 27 to work with. grrr!

on a happy note, i made (and exceeded) the fitness goal i set for myself last night. i went to the gym, even when i really didn't want to, and got in a solid 35 minutes on the eliptical trainer and another 20 minutes of walking incline intervals on the treadmill. way to go me! i know i was planning on running for 30 minutes today, but since i went to the gym, and wasn't confined to my apartment, i decided to take advantage of the equipment. i'm planning on running in my building on sunday.

i'm heading out for drinks with the boy and some of his work buddies later tonight, but i vow not to touch a drop of alcohol. you heard me. no alcohol for me. just dc and water with lemon. except for tomorrow, this is going to be an alcohol free weekend. finally!

late night goals

well, i had a great day today eating wise. i only used 2.5 of my flex points, even though i could have eaten a cow. seriously. if someone had given me a magical cow that could taste however i wanted it to taste, i would have eaten it. hands down. as long as it was organic. i like organic things.

so, in order to ensure that tomorrow is just as successful as today, i thought it best to set some more goals for myself. numero uno: run for 30 minutes on the treadmill (earning me 4 activity points). second goal (i don't know how to say "second" in spanish"... pathetic, i know): do not eat any flex points tomorrow. i'm going out to dinner on saturday night, and i really want to enjoy myself. hence, no flex points until saturday dinner. i know i can do it!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

i'm a hungry monster

i have been super hungry all day. for whatever reason, i just want to eat and eat and eat some more. i think it's because yesterday i was off track and ate much more than i usually do. i always find the first day back on plan to be pretty difficult. i also seem to run into trouble around the third or fourth day of eating healthy. that just seems to be my time to snap. thank god for flex points. it's strange how eating more helps me control my binge eating. on second thought, i guess it makes sense. eat more = more energy = less cravings. hmmm... might have to dip into my flex points tonight.

so i wighted in today, and i was up to 147.1 lbs. not too bad, given that i ate a boatload of salt at dinner yesterday and my period is coming up (too much information?) haha, i guess you could say that i was proud of my 0.9 lb gain. i really think my goal for the rest of the semester should be to maintain my weight. i think focusing on lossing will just make me miserable: i'll either restrict myself too much, and get angry with myself for not enjoying my last few months here, or i'll give into my cravings, and be frustrated with myself for not sticking to my goals. so really, it's loose-loose. maintaining is the way for me right now.

i'm proud of myself for sticking to the goals i made last night. i had protein for breafast and i went to the gym with my roommate. i got in 35 minutes of intense cardio, but i didn't get in any weight training (my roommate drives me to the gym, so when it's time for her to go, it's time for me to go, too). oh well, tomorrow is another day.

this is what i've eaten so far today:
egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. sugar-free jam (0)
1/2 cup astro yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
chai tea (0)
1/4 cup silk light (0.5)

1 schoop whey protein (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1 cup silk light (1)

1 medium baked sweet potato (2)
1/2 cup amy's tofu chili (2)
1/2 cup eden's pinto beans (1)
cucumber slices

1 all bran bar (2)
1 source yogurt(1)
1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
12 almonds (2)

i'm planning on having tuna lettuce wraps for dinner (3.5), with 1 cup campbell's gardenay squash soup (1.5). that leaves me with a few leftover points for snacks later tonight, as well as the 4 activity points i earned at the gym today.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

2nd time's the charm

this is the second blog that i've started in the past 2 months. the goal? to find an outlet for all of my stresses. sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with emotion that i just don't know what to do with it, so i eat. and i eat a lot. like today, for instance. i'm worried about my personal life, so what do i do? i go to the local lebanesse restaurant and order the biggest plate of hummus delicous-ness i can find on the menu. mmm. but if i'm being honest with myself, the pain that was there before my big meal is still there. nothing's changed, excpet the amount of sodium coursing through my veins.

i'm on weight watchers, and have been following the program on and off since last may. this past summer i lost about 10 pounds by tracking my points, not going over my weekly flex, and getting my exercise in. this school year has been a different story, however. i've put about 6 or 7 pounds back on, mainly from emotional eating. in retrospect, it's very frustrating. but at the time, i can't help but irrationally "rationalize" my decision. my favorite line right now is this one: "enjoy your last semester at university. you're graduating in 2 months!" no excuse. especially when it makes me feel like this.

i've taken some positive steps since my big dinner. in fact, i just got back from a 20 minute run on the treadmill in my building. it feels great. i wish i could have squeezed in 20 more minutes, but it closed at 11, and i only have so much sway with my landlord (and by so much sway, i really mean none at all).

my diet goal for tomorrow morning is to have some protein at breakfast. that means no cereal!

tentative menu for tomorrow:
egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1 tbsp. sugar-free jam (0)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
1/4 cup silk light (0.5)
chai tea (0)

my fitness goal for tomorrow is to go to the gym with my roommate. i want to get in at least 35 minutes on the eliptical and 20 minutes of weight training.