Monday, April 7, 2008

weighty issues

after being 85% on plan all week, i was excited for my weigh in today. i literally leaped out of bed and onto the scale. and you know what i found there? 148.2 lbs. - a weight much higher than i was aiming for. sure, it's a loss of 0.6 lbs., and i know what they say, "a loss is a loss", but i don't feel good about that number at all. it's strange how a few pounds can make such a difference. whenever i'm over 147 lbs., i always feel uncomfortable in my body.

however, i realize there are probably several reasons for why i didn't see the scale move more: (1) i was sick for most of the week, so i was only able to squeeze in 2 workouts, (2) saturday night (enough said), and (3) haven't been eating enough protein. i know what i have to do this week. here's my plan of attack:

monday - run for 30 - 40 mins. (3 - 4 activity points)
tuesday - yoga for 90 mins. (3 activity points), possibly gym (see what my friends are doing)
wednesday - day off
thursday - run for 30 - 40 mins. (3 - 4 activity points)
friday - yoga for 90 mins (3 activity points), gym
saturday - yoga for 90 mins (3 activity points), gym
sunday - day off

now, this is going to be a lot of exercise and at times i'm going to hurt a lot. but i have to remember that there's a difference between discomfort and pain - push through the discomfort and stop when there's pain. if i pace myself i know i can do it. also, it's exams for us here at uni and since i only have 1 exam (in my easiest course, might i add), i'm sure i'll have the time to focus this much on exercise.

yesterday i went to the local yoga studio and signed up for the beginner's package - unlimited classes for 1 week for $20 cdn. aaamazing. the class i went to yesterday was called "hip hop yoga". kind of a weird concept - this special teacher comes in and all of the poses are done to late 90s rap. last summer i went to yoga about once a week at a studio close to my work. it was great, i really loved it. i'm glad that i'm getting back into it. thanks to pom for her post about yoga - it was the push i needed to get out there and get sweating.

but before i sign off, there's something i need to address: my insecurities surrounding weight post-bf. i've really noticed a difference in my thinking over the past 2 weeks or so. i've noticed my thoughts slowly becoming more and more weight focused. yes, to a certain extent this is because i'm slightly heavier than usual. but i also think a lot of it is due to my recent singleness. ah, i hate to say this, but at times i catch my inner voice repeating this awful line: "you have to be thinner for guys to like you." yes, it's that bad. i need to put a stop to it. recently i've found myself comparing my body to those of other girls' my age. at yoga, for example, i couldn't stop looking in that effing wall mirror at all of their tight bodies. i was jealous! actually! i also need to stop thinking that my new mission in life is to find another boy. after all (and i say this often to remind myself), i broke up with matt because i wanted to be my own person. these thoughts show me that i truly have to focus on myself - and i don't mean my looks. i have to focus on standing on my own two feet once and for all.


Glam said...

"you have to be thinner for guys to like you." Trust me, most of us have heard this same exact phrase or something similar to it at various times in our lives. In fact, It's taken all the energy I have to tell this voice to "shut the hell up!" concerning my upcoming date.

The beautiful thing is I'm taking care of my body and feel great about myself. True, I'm still about 30 pounds overweight, but you know what? I'm not waiting to live my life until I'm "small enough" and validated by someone else's opinion.

Live your life chickie and be happy. The guys that are worthy of a smart beauty (from what I can see in your profile pic!) such as yourself will be falling over themselves to get to you...

eurydice said...

wow $20 for a week of yoga, that's really great! and i think about weight loss and health all the time. it's good only if you aren't putting yourself down (like the guys will only like you part...). i know for a fact that guys like girls in all shapes and sizes... and most can't tell the difference between 5-10 pounds... which annoys me when i ask my bf, "i've been working out so hard... don't i look more fit?" and he'll say "ugh... i guess so."