anxiety attacks

i couldn't sleep for the life of me last night. it was very strange - went to bed anxious and woke up feeling even more so. i wonder what's gotten me so worked up? couldn't be my exam (should be pretty straight-forward), or the projects i'm working on (making good progress on all of them). can't be body issues (feeling great today!) or lack of exercise (ran for 46 minutes last night - wahoo!). hmmm... ahhh, yes. my trip. my trip is freaking me out. instead of leaving on the 12th, as i had originally planned, i'm now leaving on the 8th. only cuts down prep time by about 4 days, but still feeling worried that i'm not going to get everything done in time! ok, breathe. this is ok. i'm making a to do list as soon as i finish this post.

yesterday started off kind of shitty/kind of good, got worse, and then got a lot better. allow me to explain: i woke up early yesterday to go for a run, but received an instant message from mr. new zealand just as i was stepping out the door. obviously i had to respond and we ended up chatting for about an hour (recap: good = talking to mr. new zealand, bad = no run). but midway through our convo, the unthinkable happened - my computer fell breaking my charger (recap: very bad = charger breaking when 3 papers are due from friday - monday). ugh, so i had to deal with that. next, i went to a group meeting, where i found out that one chick in my group was "too overwhelmed" to do her part, so i was given an extra 1,500 words to write for this morning (recap: very, very bad = working with people who don't pull their weight). thanks a lot, asshole. it's not like i have nothing else going on right now.

anyways, day got better when - get this - i went for the best run i can remember last night! as already mentioned, i ran a whopping 46 minutes. that's right, bitches - no stopping and lots of big hills. i'm a machine. i had planned to run for about 30 minutes (time it takes me to do roughly 5 km), but when i finished my loop i had this strange urge to keep going. so i did. and now i'm uber buff. don't know whose blog i read this on, but i remember someone saying that running is like therapy. let's just say that last night's run was one big therapy session - got pretty worked up about matt in the middle of it (guess that's what happens when you listen to alanis morisette circa the late 90s), but just ran through it. i kept telling myself, "running is therapy, run through your emotions". hell, i feel great now.

i'm hoping to to go out tonight (last thursday night at university!). i may have to stay in because of that idiotic girl, but let's hope not. regardless, friday and saturday are going to be pretty wild. to track my progress this week (i know the weekend is going to be rough), i weighted myself today, even though monday is technically my weigh in day. good news - was down to 147.0 lbs. i'm going to try really hard to manage my eating this weekend, even though it is my last weekend at university. game plan is the same as always: make smart choices.

should get back to work, as i still have to pass this stupid, effing report off to my lazy-ass group member.