a new start

wow. i really don't know what to say right now. staring at this blank screen, words are escaping me. there's so much going on in my life right now i don't know where to begin!

ok - breath in, breath out - let's start small. first things first. well, this week and next i'm working a temporary job at a graphic design studio. i love it here! while my role is minimal (this week i'm repsonsible for fielding all phone calls - what this really means is that i talk on the phone for about a minute an hour, 2 tops), i'm gaining great exposure to an industry i know almost zilch about. it's great! yesterday, for example, the office received proofs for the winter campaign for a major food and beverage brand. strange to think that they're already planning for the holiday season, but then again, i guess it's only 4 months away (wow, don't hate me ruining one of your last summer days with that thought - i already hate myself for thinking it!) next week i'm working on location for a photo shoot for a magazine ad.

this is getting easier - what else, what else? i start my "real life" job in just over 5 weeks. i'm really looking forward to it, but slightly terrified at the same time. after spending 6 - 7 weeks doing absolutely nothing with my life (ok, bit of an overstatement - more on what i've been up to later), i've realized that i need to be busy. if i'm not busy, i make myself busy by freaking out about things i don't need to freak out about. like the fact that i'm single. 80% of the time i'm a-ok with being single - in fact, for the most part i'm thrilled about it - but that other 20% of the time it's, "why does no one like me?" or, "i'm going to die single and alone with cats". horrible thoughts that i realize are completely irrational and insignificant most days, but make me choke up with fear on days when i have nothing to do. those are the days i need to distract myself. i least i'm handling these insecurities in a proactive way: when i feel these thoughts creeping on i try to go for a run or workout at the gym. ANYWAYS, taking this job has made me realize how happy i am to not be going back to school this year. i'm ready to gain hands on experience and to work on building my career as opposed to my transcript. a new start indeed!

other major things on my plate right now: (1) moving out (currently living at home with my parents), (2) paying off the debt i took on to go traveling, (3) working out (despite my best efforts i packed on a good 10 lbs while traveling - most is gone already, but still working on those last few stubborn pounds), (4) building my fall wardrobe, and (5) seeing as much of my friends and family as i possibly can before i start work in october. now, i realize that (1), (2), and (4) are slightly hypocritical, but hell, i effing love clothes and fall is my fashion nirvana. i mean, have you seen the size of this month's elle? well, i have and let's just say i have my work cut out for me (after all, i barely bought anything for summer since i spent the bulk of it traveling and bumming around my cottage). another reason i'm looking forward to starting my job: the steady income that will make balancing these things much, much easier.