Monday, May 5, 2008

emotional eating at its finiest

i'm having a really rough go of it food wise. i mean, a really rough go of it. i can't seem to stop stuffing my face with whatever is lying around the house - ice cream, chocolate chips, cookies, fresh bread, etc. and yes, it really is that bad! i'm very nervous for my trip and am eating to calm my nerves. being at home just makes it so easy to fall of the bandwagon! usually when i feel this way i talk to my mom or call a friend. but lately my mom and i have been on bad terms (which is only fuelling my food obsession) and i feel as though i can't call my friends because i don't want to draw attention to the fact that i'm going on this crazy trip. so what do i do? i just eat and eat and eat some more. i feel really horrible about myself right now.

i've been off track the past 3 days. i was so good today until after dinner, when i binged on left overs, ice cream, chooclate chips, and arrow root cookies. god, why do i do this to myself? i feel absolutely horrible right now. at least i went for a long run today (40 mins).

i think i'm going to try to talk to my mom about it. hopefully she'll understand. and i want to get back on track right now. not tomorrow, or the next day. right now. doesn't matter when i leave, i have to do this to feel better about myself right now.

i'm going to take down my tracker on the side - it upsets me to think that i wasn't able to follow through on my goals! one day at a time. one hour at a time. hell, one minute at a time if that's what it takes.


eurydice said...

those are all the things i would binge on too. i can't keep cookies and ice cream in my house... that's how bad it is! and the chocolate chips i keep so high up and far back that i would need a chair to get them and normally laziness outweighs feelings of desire for food. :o) did you talk to your mom?

CollegeGirl said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time! I also hope things clear up with your mom.