wow it's been a long time since i last posted. i'm going to have to keep this one short and sweet, as i only have 8 minutes and 18 seconds left of internet time.
europe has been amazing! it's an entirely other world over here. it's taken me a while to get used to the different lifestyle, but now that i've adjusted to it, i'm in complete and total love. everyone here is so chill. and the food is amazing. pretty sure i eat baguette/pastry with every meal and snack.
so let's talk about the food in europe. and let's talk about it in the most concise way possible - pros and cons style:
pro 1: it's delicious.
con 1: it's so delicious i can't stop eating it.
pro 2: it's cheap.
con 2: actually, it's not that cheap at all. i never think of euros in canadian dollars, so really i'm paying 50% more for everything over here than i would back home in canada. (disclaimer - after re-reading this post, i don't really know why this is on my list - but, since i feel it captures the "state" that i've been in for the past few days, i've decided not to delete it - *wink*wink*)
pro 3: there are different mcflurry flavors in each country.
con 3: i feel obligated to try each mcflurry flavor, as mcflurries are the most delicious things ever invented (minus peanut m&ms, my mother's baking, and a few other select items).
pro 4: it's full of calories, so theoretically i should stay fuller longer.
con 4: notice my use of "theoretically" in the above line. in actuality, fat makes me want to consume more fat, so this pro isn't a pro at all... it's a lie!
conclusion: i have noticed a visible difference in the size of my belly over the past 8 days. my clothes are snugger. even my tights! gasp!
prognosis: enjoy the last few days in europe, and get the hell back on track on tuesday. until then, make good choices. drink water. walk loads.
i hope everyone else has been having an enjoyable week. i haven't been able to check your blogs lately, but will be sure to do so when i'm back in canada.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
bonne voyage!!
lately my posts have been pretty negative, so my goal for today's post is to keep it positive. and i don't think it'll be hard to do because.... drumroll please... i'm going to europe tomorrow!! saweet!!
instead of doing the typical, "oh i'm in 4th year, let's go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and drink pina coladas and hook up with randoms/ex-boyfriends/friends/etc." for 7 days, my roomie, our good friend ash, and myself are heading over the pond to europe. we're flying to the uk tomorrow night, and then to paris on saturday. we plan on spending a few days in paris, and then training to amsterdam and possibly berlin. i've never been to paris, so on a scale of 1 to 10 for excitement, i'm pushing a 9.
in all of the stress and craziness that has been the past few weeks, i completely forgot about our trip. but the first thing that came to me this morning was a vision of my friends and i standing infront of the eiffel tower, with red berrets and dark lipstick, chain smoking, and drinking wine. god, sometimes i am just sooo "adult". i'll be sure to posts pics when i get back.
ok, so this next part is going to be a bit tricky, since i've promised to be positive in this post and when it comes to this issue, it can be incredibly hard for me to do so at times. i'm just going to bite the bullet and say it: today was weigh in, and i gained 2.3 pounds. i'm not going to scream, or curse, or pinch my belly to see if the fat is "really there". i'm going to accept it, move on, and continue making positive changes. i know why the scale went up this week: my emotions were out of sorts, and i ate to try to calm them. obviously, and as i should know by now, this didn't work. but that's a-ok, because today i'm miss. cheery and i refuse to: (1) feel guilty, (2) feel bad about myselfk, (3) overeat in an attempt to feel "better", and (4) look into the mirror and think about what i would look like if only i was a little thinner. no, not today.
here's what i've had to eat so far today:
1/2 cup oatmeal (2.5)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1 small orange (0.5)
1 coffee with 1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1 cup frozen whole strawberries (0)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1/2 tbsp. light cream cheese (0.5)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)
1 cup gardenay squash soup (1.5)
1 ww wrap (1)
1/2 can tuna in water (1.5)
1/2 tbsp. light mayo (0.5)
1/2 cup Nature's Path flakes (0.5)
1/4 cup GoLean Crunch (1)
1/2 cup Almond Breeze (0.5)
1/4 cup frozen blueberries (0)
Dinner is tbd. going back home to toronto tonight to see the bf before i leave. i'm pretty excited. he's been such a great support during the past few days.
instead of doing the typical, "oh i'm in 4th year, let's go to an all inclusive resort in mexico and drink pina coladas and hook up with randoms/ex-boyfriends/friends/etc." for 7 days, my roomie, our good friend ash, and myself are heading over the pond to europe. we're flying to the uk tomorrow night, and then to paris on saturday. we plan on spending a few days in paris, and then training to amsterdam and possibly berlin. i've never been to paris, so on a scale of 1 to 10 for excitement, i'm pushing a 9.
in all of the stress and craziness that has been the past few weeks, i completely forgot about our trip. but the first thing that came to me this morning was a vision of my friends and i standing infront of the eiffel tower, with red berrets and dark lipstick, chain smoking, and drinking wine. god, sometimes i am just sooo "adult". i'll be sure to posts pics when i get back.
ok, so this next part is going to be a bit tricky, since i've promised to be positive in this post and when it comes to this issue, it can be incredibly hard for me to do so at times. i'm just going to bite the bullet and say it: today was weigh in, and i gained 2.3 pounds. i'm not going to scream, or curse, or pinch my belly to see if the fat is "really there". i'm going to accept it, move on, and continue making positive changes. i know why the scale went up this week: my emotions were out of sorts, and i ate to try to calm them. obviously, and as i should know by now, this didn't work. but that's a-ok, because today i'm miss. cheery and i refuse to: (1) feel guilty, (2) feel bad about myselfk, (3) overeat in an attempt to feel "better", and (4) look into the mirror and think about what i would look like if only i was a little thinner. no, not today.
here's what i've had to eat so far today:
1/2 cup oatmeal (2.5)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1 small orange (0.5)
1 coffee with 1/4 cup skim milk (0.5)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1 cup frozen whole strawberries (0)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1/2 tbsp. light cream cheese (0.5)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)
1 cup gardenay squash soup (1.5)
1 ww wrap (1)
1/2 can tuna in water (1.5)
1/2 tbsp. light mayo (0.5)
1/2 cup Nature's Path flakes (0.5)
1/4 cup GoLean Crunch (1)
1/2 cup Almond Breeze (0.5)
1/4 cup frozen blueberries (0)
Dinner is tbd. going back home to toronto tonight to see the bf before i leave. i'm pretty excited. he's been such a great support during the past few days.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
horrible day = lots of lessons learned
as i wrote earlier this evening, i'm having a horrible day. i'm in the midst of working on a major group project, which is due at the end of this week. we've had this project for almost a year, but most of my group didn't really start working on it until mid january. i began working on it in november and have been holding regular meetings to encourage people to also get their asses into gear since then. all of my attempts up until about a month ago failed miserably.
there were originally 3 girls and 3 guys in my group. however, 2 of the girls are on exchange this semester, leaving the 3 guys and i to finish the project on our own. my closest friends in the group are these 2 girls. i wish they could have been here tonight!
so allow me to schoot the shit (pardon my french): we had a meeting this evening and i did not act appropriately. i let the stress of this project get to me, and i lashed out at my group members (i wasn't cruel, but firm... and to be fair, i made a point of doing it in the nicest way possible). i openly complained that they were not doing enough. this past weekend, for example, two of them went to the us drinking, while i spent a good portion of it working on the project. the other group member was mia for most of the weekend.
when two of them left the meeting to do what i thought were separate things, i spoke candidly with the other one about how i was feeling (let's call him "sean", not because i want to protect his privacy, but because that's his name, and if he should ever stumble upon this blog, i want thim to know how i feel right now... grrr!). i told him that i was feeling under appreciated, and that i wanted all of us to do well on this project. sean sat with me and helped me work through a problem, which made me feel somewhat better. the other 2 came back in the room and chatted briefly with us before leaving for the night. sean and i stayed longer, and i thought that we were getting along very well. he finally went home, and i stayed to continue working.
about 30 minutes after he left, sean messaged me on msn. he told me that when the other 2 guys left the room, they were actually planning on how to "deal" with me. sean mentionned that he and our other 2 group members no longer trust me with the project, and that they plan on taking it over from here on out. all of this he volunteered to me; i didn't pry to learn more about what they were saying about me behind my back. the worst part is that he ended the conversation with, "anyways, this conversation is pointless, i don't know why we're even talking about this" (sidenote: at this point i was thinking, "you're telling me this to try to make me feel like shit, scumbag!!") we haven't spoken since.
so i called my bf, and i cried. yes, i cried about a stupid school project. did i mention that i'm 21? yup, crying at 21 over a school project = very not cool.
so, what have i learned from this experience? well, lots:
1. never trust sean again. i have worked with him before on group projects, and in the past he has acted poorly. as of right now, feb. 20th, 2008, i vow to never work with sean again. all of you in internet land can be my witnesses. (note: i saved my msn convo with sean as a reminder of this lesson... and to possibly use as blackmail against him later on).
2. take a chill pill. it really doesn't matter how i do in school right now, as i have a sweet job lined up for me when i graduate. learn to stress about things when it matters, and not when it doesn't. tonight, for example, i really didn't need to stress.
3. do not lash out at others when you're feeling stressed. no further explanation needed here.
4. sean deserves to be kicked in the balls for kicking me when i was down. do not ever, i repeat ever, open up to him again. save your emotions for people who aren't going to turn around and use them to hurt you (this includes my dear bf, roomie, girl friends, etc.)
5. blogging is a great way to turn negative experiences into positive ones.
alright, enough bitching and whining. i'm going to zipit. but before i do, here's my plan for dealing with sean and the other 2 group members until this project is over:
- work from home or somewhere i won't run into them. the less face time, the better.
- put your head down and get my work done. in the end, an extra hour or 2 will have no impact on my final mark.
- do what has been assigned to me, and no more. do not "go the extra mile". it's their problem now.
- exercise. it's a great stress relief. and i'll be extra motivated because i'll be angry (my best workouts are always when i'm super angry... i'm going to kick the crap out of that treadmill tomorrow).
- get a good nights sleep.
good night!
oh! and obviously, since my emotions were out of control, i ate to feel better. and surprise, surprise, i feel worse than i did before i ate.
there were originally 3 girls and 3 guys in my group. however, 2 of the girls are on exchange this semester, leaving the 3 guys and i to finish the project on our own. my closest friends in the group are these 2 girls. i wish they could have been here tonight!
so allow me to schoot the shit (pardon my french): we had a meeting this evening and i did not act appropriately. i let the stress of this project get to me, and i lashed out at my group members (i wasn't cruel, but firm... and to be fair, i made a point of doing it in the nicest way possible). i openly complained that they were not doing enough. this past weekend, for example, two of them went to the us drinking, while i spent a good portion of it working on the project. the other group member was mia for most of the weekend.
when two of them left the meeting to do what i thought were separate things, i spoke candidly with the other one about how i was feeling (let's call him "sean", not because i want to protect his privacy, but because that's his name, and if he should ever stumble upon this blog, i want thim to know how i feel right now... grrr!). i told him that i was feeling under appreciated, and that i wanted all of us to do well on this project. sean sat with me and helped me work through a problem, which made me feel somewhat better. the other 2 came back in the room and chatted briefly with us before leaving for the night. sean and i stayed longer, and i thought that we were getting along very well. he finally went home, and i stayed to continue working.
about 30 minutes after he left, sean messaged me on msn. he told me that when the other 2 guys left the room, they were actually planning on how to "deal" with me. sean mentionned that he and our other 2 group members no longer trust me with the project, and that they plan on taking it over from here on out. all of this he volunteered to me; i didn't pry to learn more about what they were saying about me behind my back. the worst part is that he ended the conversation with, "anyways, this conversation is pointless, i don't know why we're even talking about this" (sidenote: at this point i was thinking, "you're telling me this to try to make me feel like shit, scumbag!!") we haven't spoken since.
so i called my bf, and i cried. yes, i cried about a stupid school project. did i mention that i'm 21? yup, crying at 21 over a school project = very not cool.
so, what have i learned from this experience? well, lots:
1. never trust sean again. i have worked with him before on group projects, and in the past he has acted poorly. as of right now, feb. 20th, 2008, i vow to never work with sean again. all of you in internet land can be my witnesses. (note: i saved my msn convo with sean as a reminder of this lesson... and to possibly use as blackmail against him later on).
2. take a chill pill. it really doesn't matter how i do in school right now, as i have a sweet job lined up for me when i graduate. learn to stress about things when it matters, and not when it doesn't. tonight, for example, i really didn't need to stress.
3. do not lash out at others when you're feeling stressed. no further explanation needed here.
4. sean deserves to be kicked in the balls for kicking me when i was down. do not ever, i repeat ever, open up to him again. save your emotions for people who aren't going to turn around and use them to hurt you (this includes my dear bf, roomie, girl friends, etc.)
5. blogging is a great way to turn negative experiences into positive ones.
alright, enough bitching and whining. i'm going to zipit. but before i do, here's my plan for dealing with sean and the other 2 group members until this project is over:
- work from home or somewhere i won't run into them. the less face time, the better.
- put your head down and get my work done. in the end, an extra hour or 2 will have no impact on my final mark.
- do what has been assigned to me, and no more. do not "go the extra mile". it's their problem now.
- exercise. it's a great stress relief. and i'll be extra motivated because i'll be angry (my best workouts are always when i'm super angry... i'm going to kick the crap out of that treadmill tomorrow).
- get a good nights sleep.
good night!
oh! and obviously, since my emotions were out of control, i ate to feel better. and surprise, surprise, i feel worse than i did before i ate.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
ahhh!!
i'm going crazy!! i have so much school work to do, i don't know what to do with myself. i'm working on all of these group projects, and they're just going so effing slowly. ahhhh! i want my mom. yup, i just wrote that. this sucks.
i was back on track until today, when i fell off the bandwagon again. i'm so angry with myself, and my guilty feelings are only adding to my stress level. i need to breathe. drink some tea. relax. everything is going to be a-ok. repeat.
after this week is over, i'm officially never procrastinating again. you think by 4th year i would know this by now. but this time i'm serious.
i will try to post again later today. hopefully by then i will have taken a chill pill and have stopped freaking out. again: breathe in, beathe out.
tonight's goal: no more junk!! healthy foods only.
i was back on track until today, when i fell off the bandwagon again. i'm so angry with myself, and my guilty feelings are only adding to my stress level. i need to breathe. drink some tea. relax. everything is going to be a-ok. repeat.
after this week is over, i'm officially never procrastinating again. you think by 4th year i would know this by now. but this time i'm serious.
i will try to post again later today. hopefully by then i will have taken a chill pill and have stopped freaking out. again: breathe in, beathe out.
tonight's goal: no more junk!! healthy foods only.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
a quickie
i'm pretty swamped with work right now, so i'm going to have to keep this post quick.
i'm having a great weekend. didn't get nearly as much done as i wanted to work-wise, but had an awesome time volunteering and spending time with my friends. last night i went to watch my super good-looking friend's band play at a local pub. they're a cover band, so i spent the whole night dancing to 90s punk hits (ok, i also spent a good amount of time checking my friend out... did i mention that he's uber hot?). it was so much fun! i planned on only going to watch one of their sets and coming home around midnight to do some work, but i got pretty drunk off of cheap beer and didn't get home until 2:30 am. ahhh well, i'm still glad i went. i only have 2 more months of university, so i'm going to enjoy it dammit!
yesterday i took my lunch to volunteering with me and no one cared in the least. i was so proud of myself for turning down domino's pizza (my favorite, might i add). instead, i had a tuna wrap with cut up veggies. unfortunately i fell off the bandwagon a bit when i got home. i didn't feel like making dinner, so i had a bowl of cereal, and then another, and then a third. that's right - 3 bowls of cereal, 1 sitting. pretty sure i ate a good 1/2 box of GoLean Crunch and another 1/4 box of Nature's Path flakes. that's not even including the 1/2 carton of silk light i threw on there. but, i've decided not to beat myself up about it. too much wasted energery. i realize that this is a learning process, and that the best thing i can do is move forward and make good decisions. and that's exactly what i've been doing today.
i have 12 points left for the day, plus the 4 activity points i earned at the gym this morning. 16 points should last me to the end of the day easily.
i'm having a great weekend. didn't get nearly as much done as i wanted to work-wise, but had an awesome time volunteering and spending time with my friends. last night i went to watch my super good-looking friend's band play at a local pub. they're a cover band, so i spent the whole night dancing to 90s punk hits (ok, i also spent a good amount of time checking my friend out... did i mention that he's uber hot?). it was so much fun! i planned on only going to watch one of their sets and coming home around midnight to do some work, but i got pretty drunk off of cheap beer and didn't get home until 2:30 am. ahhh well, i'm still glad i went. i only have 2 more months of university, so i'm going to enjoy it dammit!
yesterday i took my lunch to volunteering with me and no one cared in the least. i was so proud of myself for turning down domino's pizza (my favorite, might i add). instead, i had a tuna wrap with cut up veggies. unfortunately i fell off the bandwagon a bit when i got home. i didn't feel like making dinner, so i had a bowl of cereal, and then another, and then a third. that's right - 3 bowls of cereal, 1 sitting. pretty sure i ate a good 1/2 box of GoLean Crunch and another 1/4 box of Nature's Path flakes. that's not even including the 1/2 carton of silk light i threw on there. but, i've decided not to beat myself up about it. too much wasted energery. i realize that this is a learning process, and that the best thing i can do is move forward and make good decisions. and that's exactly what i've been doing today.
i have 12 points left for the day, plus the 4 activity points i earned at the gym this morning. 16 points should last me to the end of the day easily.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
looong day
wow. what a day. so much fun, but so much food. i think i consumed 10 billion calories today (give or a take a million or two). as i mentionned yesterday, i spent the day volunteering. both lunch and dinner were provided: lunch was a buffet of sandwiches, fruit, and tortilla chips, and dinner was a pasta bar. i made healthy choices at lunch, but fell off the bandwagon at dinner. oh, and i fell hard. in fact, it was more like my bandwagon caught on fire and exploded into thousands of little pieces. seriously - it was calorie hell. at this point in time i don't even know if there is a bandwagon for me to get back on. anyways, here's what i ate: 1 large serving of vegetarian pasta (ravioli in tomato sauce), 1 large serving of chicken pasta (cream sauce + lots of cheese = fat on my stomach), 2 bread sticks, 1 serving of salad, 5 Hershey's kisses, and 1 Chocolate Extreme Blizzard from Dairy Queen (in my defense, i ate the Blizzard a few hours after dinner). ugh! and guess how i feel right now? guilty, lethargic, and fat.
i know that the best thing i can do is to track all of my points and plan for tomorrow. i'm also volunteering tomorrow, but only until mid-afternoon (it's a 2 day committment). lunch is pizza. i'm considering bringing my own lunch so as to avoid eating it. i know that pizza is one of my trigger foods and abstaining from it all together will ensure that i stay on plan. however, i'm worried that the people holding the event will think that i'm being rude and inconsiderate by not eating the food. sometimes eating healthy can be such a social faux pas!
my getting back on track plan:
eat filling breakfast with protein:
1 egg (2)
2 ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. jam (1)
1/2 cup Astro plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
1/4 silk light with 1 cup coffee (0.5)
eat a small snack before lunch:
12 almonds (2)
1 apple (1)
plan to work out in the afternoon:
earn at least 4 activity points (30 minutes running, 35 minutes on the eliptical trainer, etc.)
i know that the best thing i can do is to track all of my points and plan for tomorrow. i'm also volunteering tomorrow, but only until mid-afternoon (it's a 2 day committment). lunch is pizza. i'm considering bringing my own lunch so as to avoid eating it. i know that pizza is one of my trigger foods and abstaining from it all together will ensure that i stay on plan. however, i'm worried that the people holding the event will think that i'm being rude and inconsiderate by not eating the food. sometimes eating healthy can be such a social faux pas!
my getting back on track plan:
eat filling breakfast with protein:
1 egg (2)
2 ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. jam (1)
1/2 cup Astro plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen raspberries (0)
1/4 silk light with 1 cup coffee (0.5)
eat a small snack before lunch:
12 almonds (2)
1 apple (1)
plan to work out in the afternoon:
earn at least 4 activity points (30 minutes running, 35 minutes on the eliptical trainer, etc.)
Friday, February 15, 2008
in the groove
wow, i am so full of energy right now i don't know what to do with myself. i'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's the sugar free red bull i drank four hours ago that's keeping me up. sometimes i do really stupid things. like drink a can of red bull at 10 pm when i want to be in bed by 12:30 am. oh well, what's done is done. i might as well make use of my artificially high energy level.
tomorrow is going to be tough. i'm volunteering all day, and both lunch and dinner are being "provided". i say "provided" because chances are it's going to be domino's pizza for lunch and pizza pizza for dinner, and neither of those options appeal to me. i won't be getting in any activity points tomorrow, so i'll probably have to dip into my flex. not to worry - i have 32.5 to get me to next thursday. i know i can do it! i've packed lots of healthy snacks to tide me over, as well. here's what i'm bringing with me:
sliced vegetables (carrots, celery, and cherry tomatoes) (0)
1 medium apple (1)
1 small orange (1)
12 almonds (2)
1 Luna bar (3)
1 Source yogurt (1)
i'm also considering bringing some oatmeal and peanut butter to make in the microwave at school if i really don't like the food being offered. i don't want to seem rude, but i want to stick to my diet and fitness goals!
tomorrow is going to be tough. i'm volunteering all day, and both lunch and dinner are being "provided". i say "provided" because chances are it's going to be domino's pizza for lunch and pizza pizza for dinner, and neither of those options appeal to me. i won't be getting in any activity points tomorrow, so i'll probably have to dip into my flex. not to worry - i have 32.5 to get me to next thursday. i know i can do it! i've packed lots of healthy snacks to tide me over, as well. here's what i'm bringing with me:
sliced vegetables (carrots, celery, and cherry tomatoes) (0)
1 medium apple (1)
1 small orange (1)
12 almonds (2)
1 Luna bar (3)
1 Source yogurt (1)
i'm also considering bringing some oatmeal and peanut butter to make in the microwave at school if i really don't like the food being offered. i don't want to seem rude, but i want to stick to my diet and fitness goals!
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