one day at a time

that's how i'm taking this whole "weight watchers" thing right now: focusing on each day as a separate entity, making smart decisions, going to the gym bright and early when i'd rather beat the living crap out of my alarm clock, ... except for today. today i'm choosing to give myself a break. actually, my body is demanding that i give myself a break. now, this may have something to do with one, or some combination of, the following: (1) i drank my face off last night (as a self-proclaimed light weight, this loosely translates to a bottle of wine and a vodka redbull or 2), (2) i chain smoked 1/2 a pack of cigarettes (this, in turn, may have something do with the fact that my current crush is a part-time chimney - funny how these things work, isn't it?), (3) i only got 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (and why yes, this may also have something to do with my crush du jour), and/or (4) i'm in the midst of re-watching the entire 1st season of sex and the city (episode 9 here i come!) but then again, maybe my body is just too spent from the hour-long yoga class i went to yesterday. good luck, sherlock - some mysteries are never meant to be solved.

excuse me, for i digress.

for today's post is not about the amazingly awesome, super-great night i had last night, but rather, about the little decisions i made during the day that allowed last night to happen. allow me to explain. yesterday's weigh in was downright depressing - up 1.5 lbs after being 100% on track all week. i consumed minimal alcohol (no more than 1/2 a pitcher), exercised 4 days of 7 (including 1 weight training session), only ate about 1/2 of my activity points, and even had 10 flex points left over when all was said and done. i've never not had a loss when i've followed the program so closely before. and i was so looking forward to a loss - i was sure that this week i was going to make it to the 5 lb mark. but alas, set backs happen, and as much as i wanted to drown my sorrows in a pint of ice cream at 7 am, i didn't. nor did i punish myself by staying in at night. after all, my theme for the season is balance. so i made decisions that allowed to accomplish just this: i ate well all day (below daily points and mostly core foods), i went to the yoga class i had been pushing off, i took my dog for a 1 hour walk, and i planned my night (what i was going to drink, eat, etc.). and it worked! i had a fabulous night (have i mentioned this already?) and was able to stay well under my points allowance (still have about 15 flex points left for the rest of the week). by forgiving myself and moving forward i was able to prevent that downwards, binge-eating spiral that mini setbacks, such as yesterday's scale mishap, have been known to throw me into in the past. me: 1 vs. emotional eating: 0.

i'm already applying this lesson to today's conundrum: to work our or not to work out. 6 months ago i would have been frustrated with myself for being too hungover and weak-lunged to go to the gym (i'm not a true smoker, but one of those poser, social-smokers true smokers hate - so i don't fully inhale every time, so sue me!) but not now, not today. my eating is on track, and that alone is practically a miracle after a night of heaving drinking. so i'm going to let today's workout go and choose to focus on the other great things i'm doing for my body instead.

planning ahead

to prevent myself from going over daily points + activity points, i've decided to plan my menu for the rest of the day:

breakfast - total 3.5 points
1 scoop whey powder (2)
1/2 cup vanilla sogood soy milk (1.5)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
crushed ice (0)

snack 1 - total 2.5 points
1/4 cup skim milk (0.5) in coffee (0)
1 all bran bar (2)

lunch - max. 5 points
salad and protein of some variety --> most likely 3 points for protein, 1 point for topping, 1 point for dressing

snack 2 - total 3 points
1/3 cup quaker 1-minute oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

dinner - total 5 points
1 tsp. olive oil for cooking vegetables in (1)
3/4 cup whole wheat cooked pasta (2)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
1/2 cup canned tomato sauce (1)

snack 3 - total 1 - 3 points
options: 1 orange (1), 1 bag smartpop popcorn (1), 1 carnation hot chocolate (1)

planned activity - running for 30 min. outside (4)

daily points total is 19 (no snack 3 options) - 22 points (all snack 3 options). will be going out tonight, but am not going to drink more than 3 light beers (5.5 - 6.5 points depending on the brand). mini goal for today is to stay away from the cereal!

in related news, i'm moving back to toronto on monday, so am busy packing up my life for the past 4 years. looks like i'm going to have to throw a lot of stuff out - there's no way i can take everything back to my parent's house. also, have been busy planning my trip through asia and oceania. i'm getting so pumped! mr. new zealand will be joining me for at least the last 2 weeks of it, which i'm very excited about. i guess those crazy kiwis have a break from school next week, so that's when we're going to finalize most of the details. however, i'm not going to get my hopes up about him - i'm going into this assuming that we're friends and nothing more. if something happens, great, but if nothing happens, that's great too. as i've mentioned in my past posts this trip is about me and no boy (no matter how funny, smart, or good-looking he is... ok, maybe i have a little crush) is going to get in my way. god, i feel like that line came straight out of a destiny's child song (can i get all the ladiesss who're independennnt to throw - their - hands - up - at - meee?!)

who would have thought 4 little falafel ball-things would be 7 points?!

question of the day. i went for mediterranean food with my roommate and ordered what i thought was a low-point option. imagine my frustration when the lunch i budgeted 8 points for came in at a whopping 13! argh! on a positive note, i went to my second yoga class today. i really didn't want to go, but am glad that i went. i felt strong and toned afterwards. i plan on incorporating yoga into my weekly workout schedule.

today's menu:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. blue menu jam (0)

1/3 cup quaker 1-minute oats (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)

1 large white pita (3)
1/4 cup homemade hummus (3)
4 falafel patties (7) --> typing this makes me so angry

1 starbucks fancy-pants drink (4)

1 cup whole wheat pasta (3)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
1 tsp. oil (1)
1/2 cup tomato sauce (1)
oodles of veggies (0)

1/2 cup astro fat-free vanilla yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
1/2 cup golean crunch (1.5)

total is 31.5 points. in retrospect, should have looked up points values of mediterranean food before lunch and should not have ordered such a fancy pants drink mid-afternoon. my goal for tomorrow is not to go over my daily points limit + activity points.

managed to stay on track last night despite going out with friends for beers and wings. only had 3 beers, so i got a little tipsy (yup, i'm a huge light weight), but not too drunk. it was great! i felt in control the entire time. didn't even touch the wings.

stepped on the scale around mid-day and my weight was already back down to 148 lbs. phew! don't know what happened on monday morning. must have been massive water retention (did drink like a fish over the weekend and went for vietnamese food on sunday night). i should readjust my points limit downwards (when i take the quiz at 148 lbs. it says that i should only be eating 23 points per day), but i've decided not to until next week. i'm used to eating about 25 points per day and think that a 2-point cut might be too hard for me, especially since i plan on working out more than usual.

and lastly... biggest loser finale was on tonight and ally won it all! amazing! first female biggest loser ever. great inspiration for the beginning of my very own personal weight challenge!

anxiety attacks

i couldn't sleep for the life of me last night. it was very strange - went to bed anxious and woke up feeling even more so. i wonder what's gotten me so worked up? couldn't be my exam (should be pretty straight-forward), or the projects i'm working on (making good progress on all of them). can't be body issues (feeling great today!) or lack of exercise (ran for 46 minutes last night - wahoo!). hmmm... ahhh, yes. my trip. my trip is freaking me out. instead of leaving on the 12th, as i had originally planned, i'm now leaving on the 8th. only cuts down prep time by about 4 days, but still feeling worried that i'm not going to get everything done in time! ok, breathe. this is ok. i'm making a to do list as soon as i finish this post.

yesterday started off kind of shitty/kind of good, got worse, and then got a lot better. allow me to explain: i woke up early yesterday to go for a run, but received an instant message from mr. new zealand just as i was stepping out the door. obviously i had to respond and we ended up chatting for about an hour (recap: good = talking to mr. new zealand, bad = no run). but midway through our convo, the unthinkable happened - my computer fell breaking my charger (recap: very bad = charger breaking when 3 papers are due from friday - monday). ugh, so i had to deal with that. next, i went to a group meeting, where i found out that one chick in my group was "too overwhelmed" to do her part, so i was given an extra 1,500 words to write for this morning (recap: very, very bad = working with people who don't pull their weight). thanks a lot, asshole. it's not like i have nothing else going on right now.

anyways, day got better when - get this - i went for the best run i can remember last night! as already mentioned, i ran a whopping 46 minutes. that's right, bitches - no stopping and lots of big hills. i'm a machine. i had planned to run for about 30 minutes (time it takes me to do roughly 5 km), but when i finished my loop i had this strange urge to keep going. so i did. and now i'm uber buff. don't know whose blog i read this on, but i remember someone saying that running is like therapy. let's just say that last night's run was one big therapy session - got pretty worked up about matt in the middle of it (guess that's what happens when you listen to alanis morisette circa the late 90s), but just ran through it. i kept telling myself, "running is therapy, run through your emotions". hell, i feel great now.

i'm hoping to to go out tonight (last thursday night at university!). i may have to stay in because of that idiotic girl, but let's hope not. regardless, friday and saturday are going to be pretty wild. to track my progress this week (i know the weekend is going to be rough), i weighted myself today, even though monday is technically my weigh in day. good news - was down to 147.0 lbs. i'm going to try really hard to manage my eating this weekend, even though it is my last weekend at university. game plan is the same as always: make smart choices.

should get back to work, as i still have to pass this stupid, effing report off to my lazy-ass group member.

sunny skies = drinking outside

another beautiful day! makes me want to crack out the summer dresses and decorated sandals. god, i love spring. winter is just so blah.

have to keep this short, as i'm about to go for drinks with friends on - you guessed it - a patio. pretty exciting. first outdoor drinking adventure of the year. wahoo!

today i've had to eat:

1/2 cup plain astro yogurt (1) (ran out of source yogurts this morning)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)

1/4 cup skim milk in coffee (0.5)

2 pieces of whole wheat bread (2)
2 slices of deli-turkey (1)
lettuce and tomato (0)

1/4 large white pita (0.5)
1 1/2 tbsp. hummus (1)

1 grande skinny vanilla latte (3) (here i go with the lingo again)

1/2 cup all bran flakes (1)
1/2 cup kashi golean crunch! (2)
1 cup plain silk light (1)
4 large strawberries (0) --> these may actually be 1 point, have to double check
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

9 points left. since we'll most likely be grabbing bar food for dinner, i had a big bowl of cereal around 5 pm. hopefully it tides me over for the eveing - i'm a flipping animal around food when i'm hungry. probably should have had a snack with some more protein in it, but the berries i bought today at the grocery store just looked so good!

i had to work on a group project this morning, which kind of sucked (our meeting started at 9:30 am - i'm not even human at the hour in the morning - note to self: this will have to change when i start work in the fall). i met my roomie for lebanesse food after. since i had a small sandwich at our meeting, i just nibbled at her plate (disclaimer: usually i don't do this, but rooms and i are so tight we don't mind sharing the occasional pita and hummus appetizer).

anyways, i then went shopping and bought 2 shirts at american apparel. god, i love american apparel. it's so effing smart. i mean, cute little clothes in every color of the rainbow? genius!! one draw back to american apparel (and this is by no means thier fault): the new location in london is only a few blocks away from me, so i drop oodles of money there each month. it's so accessible i plan outfits around clothes i don't even own yet. tonight's ensemble, for example, involves me running down the street to pick up a new vest. seriously, i need to get this addiction under control. it's like i need to go to aa for aa. brutal.

okkk, so enough about clothing. let's talk about eating (baby, let's talk about you and... i'm stopping now). i've been 100% on plan for 6 days now. i haven't been able to stay on track like this since january. it's inevitable that i'm going to go over my 35 flex tonight, but i'm not going to go over by too much (you got that stomach?). my plan of attack: make smart choices and say no to grease. and that includes you, delicious poutine from sammy souvlaki's.

spring has sprung

the weather is finally turning around here in canada. it was gorgeous outside today - moderate temperature, sunny skies, birds singing, etc. just beautiful out! warm weather puts me in such a great mood. the bleak winter weather had really been getting to me the past few weeks. but no more!

yesterday was my last day of class at university. end of an era, you might say. not i, though - just the start of the next one! school has been great, but i've grown out of it. i'm ready for a change. i'm really excited to start work (i know those of you with jobs may be rolling your eyes at this, haha). i can't wait to make some serious coin (even though it's not going to be that serious in the first few years), move back to toronto, and get a new place. london's been great - it's just a little too small for me. i'm a whole lotta woman for this one horse town!

ugh, and did i mention that i've been sick with bronchitis the past few days? i think it's from all of the stress i've been under the past few weeks, with the break up and all. i haven't had a good nights sleep in a while. well until last night, that is - i slept like a log for about 16 hours. i'm feeling much better now and even plan on going out tonight. god, i'm such a rebel!

eating has been 110% on track the past few days. since i do have bronchitis, i don't plan on drinking much tonight. i haven't been able to work out, but i did walk home from school today to get some exercise in (1 activity point). yesterday i was well under my points limit (i guess that happens when you sleep for 70% of the day). i find that when i'm under by more than a point or two one day i'm ravenous the next! today was no exception - i could have eaten anything that wasn't nailed down. but resist i did. here's what i've had to eat so far:

1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)
1 large orange (1)

1 cup campbell's garden minestrone soup (1)
3 tbsp. shredded cheese (1.5)
1 grande extra hot skinny vanilla latte (3) --> yes, i'm one of those annoying people who speaks "starbucks". might have something to do with the fact that my roomie worked there over the summer

1 fruit and yogurt parfait from school snack bar (4)

1 nutri-grain peanut bar (3)
1 source yogurt (1)

1 cup cooked whole wheat pasta (3)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
loads of veggies (0)

total is 23, with 2 to spare plus 1 activity point. that means i can have 1.5 drinks guilt-free and will be dipping into my flex to cover the rest (hopefully not too many more). my goal for tonight is not to go out for post-bar food.

today i booked my plane tickets to and from the south-pacific. very exciting! i leave on may 12th and don't plan on returning until july 10th.

hello world!

i. feel. fabulous. today was the first morning i didn't wake up crying about matt. in fact, i didn't even really think about him until i wrote that sentence. i'm moving on. as jay-z would say "it's time for the next episode".

and time it is! i spent most of last night making plans for the summer. i'm about to embark on one of the biggest adventures of my life. i've decided to travel through asia with one of my friends for about 3 months. we're leaving for china around the 20th of april and don't plan on returning to canada until the end of july. our plan of attack is this: 3 weeks touring china; 3 weeks tbd (my friend is going to india, so i'm looking at meeting up with some other friends who will be in the area at the time); 1 month thailand, laos, combodia, and vietnam; 1 week thai islands; and then (hopefully) 3 weeks australia. so i know what you're probably thinking: damn, that's going to be expensive. and it will be - applying for a big ass loan is numero uno on today's to do list. slightly disappointed that australia didn't work out. however, my job requires me to travel quite a bit, so i plan on taking a 6-month transfer there in my first year or two of working.

also, i woke up today to a some super cute emails from a few of my friends back in toronto. they heard through the grapevine about what happened between matt and i over the weekend. wow - i've always known that i have great friends, but i was not expecting the amount of support that has been flooding in over the past few days.

yesterday i was completely on track with my eating (27 points - but earned 6 activity points so i had the extra 2 covered). i went for a run yesterday evening to release some tension and, to my surprise, i was able to run 40 mins. without stopping! i haven't been able to do that since last summer. shows that my fitness is improving. i'm practically an american gladiator.

going out tonight, so have to plan my day accordingly. my goal is to earn 4 activity points and to have 4 daily points left over for when i start drinking at the early hour of 7 pm. yup, tonight is going to be major. personally, i hope not to hook up with anyone. perhaps not the most pc goal, but it's true - i really don't want to rebound!

i'm a busy bee

the past few days have been a whirlwind. while the bulk of my school work is over for the semeseter, i've been really busy organizing an event at school. my school hosts an international conference each year and this year i was responsible for communicating with all of the international delegates. quite the job when you have 60+ people coming from all over the world! anyway, it's my one involvement, so i want to do a good job. the conference starts tomorrow and lasts until sunday morning.

so here's the thing with the conference: it's really just an excuse to get drunk and hook up with foreigners (those of us with significant others, however, get to watch from the side lines and live vicariosuly through our single friends... hmmm, that actually sounds a tad creepy). booze is provided (yup, you heard me right, all you can drink free booze) and we get line bypass to all of the most popular bars from wednesday night until sunday morning. all in all, quite the social extravaganza. only thing is it's hiroshima for my waist line. ugh! i'm really worried about all of the drinking. because when i get drunk, my inner fattie bursts out and consumes everthing in sight. and by everything in sight, i mean it. last night, for example, my roomie and some friends went out and when i came home i went to town on a jar of peanut butter. seriously, i didn't even use a spoon.

for the past day or so i've been trying to think of strategies to avoid downing copious amounts of food. and i think i've found it: i'm going to be gentle with myself. that's its. no planned workouts, no pre-made meals, no nothing. i'm going to trust myself to make smart decisions. sure, if i have the time i'll try to squeeze in a run here and there. or if i can run home for a meal instead of eating ou i'll do it. but if i can't, i'm not going to let it ruin my day. i think the worst think i can do is let myself get into that whole "i feel so bad about eating that treat so i'm going to down this tub of m&ms" cycle. the competition is only 4 days long, and 4 days of eating less than perfectly is not going to kill me. it hasn't in the past, and it's not going to this week.

ok, so now that my little pep talk is over, a little review of what i've eaten today (please keep in mind that i was hungover as all hell and had 9:00 am class):

1/3 cup quaker oatmeal (2)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1 small orange (0.5)

1 cup cantaloupe (1)
1 source yogurt (1) --> how much of a rip off is it that source yogurts are 35 calories and 1 effing point? aykarumba!
1 all bran bar (2)
1/4 cup skim milk in coffee (0.5)

1 pita pit salad with chicken (3) and
1/4 cup hummus (2)
30 pieces m&ms (estimating 4 points)

1 fruit and yogurt parfait (4)

1.5 cups edamame (2)
12 pieces sushi (5.5)

1 skinny tall latte (2)

1/2 cup golean! crunch cereal (1)
3/4 cup all bran flakes (1.5)
1 cup silk light (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

total points = 34 --> 9 over daily amount of 25

ugh, this number doesn't make me too happy. oh well, all i can do is move on. here's my game plan for tomorrow:

1 egg (2)
2 slices ww bread (1)
1 tbsp. jam (0)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

1 all bran bar (2)
1 source yogurt (1)

1/2 can tuna drained (1.5)
1/2 cup garbanzo beans (2)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
lettuce and vegetables (0)

1 medium apple (1)
1 cheesestring (1)

total =13.5 with 11.5 remaining. this should get me through the dinner and our first night out. also, my goal is to run for 30 mins. either tomorrow morning (depending on what time i get to bed) or at lunch.

sometimes i count...

... foods that are 2 points as 1 point. take my (second) afternoon snack today: 1 apple and 1 cheesestring. now technically the cheesestring should be 2 points (60 calories, 4 gm. fat, 0 gm. fiber), but i think that's just too much for 1 measley stick of cheese. ok, i take that back. it's not a measley stick of cheese - after all, you can make some sweet hoola girls and furry things out of it. but still!

this brings me to my second weight watchers confession: i eat 2 more points each day than i should. everytime i do the quiz i add 2 points to my total. the extra 2 points makes the program that much more manageable for me. when i eat more on a regular basis, i tend to binge less. after all, my primary focus right now is handling my bingeing and not loosing the 10 or so extra pounds i'm carrying around.

onwards with the news. or my news, i should say. today started off great: got up, made french toast for breakfast, went to the gym, had a healthy lunch and afternoon snack. and then about an hour ago intense hunger hit. eff! i could eat a cow. i think part of my problem is the copious amount of snow that is currently being dumped on southern ontario. i can't see out of my window, let alone go for a walk, shopping, coffee. i literally can't leave my house! this is bad news bears for my growling stomach, as i find leaving my house the best way to get my mind off of eating. ugh!

my menu for today:

2 ww bread (1)
1 egg (2) --> notice how i counted this as 2 points. i swear i don't cheat all of the time!
2 tbsp. light maple syrup (1)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/4 cup frozen unsweetened blueberries (0)
1/2 cup soy milk (1/4 cup for french toast and 1/4 cup for coffee)

1/2 cup garbanzo beans (2)
1/2 can of drained tuna (in water) (1.5)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
2 tbsp. balsamic vinegar (0)
lettuce and veggies (0)
1/4 cup soy milk (for tea)

1/2 scoop whey powder (1)
3/4 small banana (1)
1/2 tbsp. peanut butter (1)
1/2 cup soy milk (1)

1 medium apple (1)
1 cheesestring (1)

8 points remaining plus 4 activity points. 12 should do quite nicely for today.

dinenr is tba, but looking like white fish with sweet potato fries. i might even cave and make some pasta. pasta always fills me up!

some of my friends want to go out tonight, but right now i would rather stay at home and get caught up on work. i hate going out when it's blizzarding out. i spend about an hour getting ready only to end up looking like sasquatch upon my arrival. real cute.

a quickie

i'm pretty swamped with work right now, so i'm going to have to keep this post quick.

i'm having a great weekend. didn't get nearly as much done as i wanted to work-wise, but had an awesome time volunteering and spending time with my friends. last night i went to watch my super good-looking friend's band play at a local pub. they're a cover band, so i spent the whole night dancing to 90s punk hits (ok, i also spent a good amount of time checking my friend out... did i mention that he's uber hot?). it was so much fun! i planned on only going to watch one of their sets and coming home around midnight to do some work, but i got pretty drunk off of cheap beer and didn't get home until 2:30 am. ahhh well, i'm still glad i went. i only have 2 more months of university, so i'm going to enjoy it dammit!

yesterday i took my lunch to volunteering with me and no one cared in the least. i was so proud of myself for turning down domino's pizza (my favorite, might i add). instead, i had a tuna wrap with cut up veggies. unfortunately i fell off the bandwagon a bit when i got home. i didn't feel like making dinner, so i had a bowl of cereal, and then another, and then a third. that's right - 3 bowls of cereal, 1 sitting. pretty sure i ate a good 1/2 box of GoLean Crunch and another 1/4 box of Nature's Path flakes. that's not even including the 1/2 carton of silk light i threw on there. but, i've decided not to beat myself up about it. too much wasted energery. i realize that this is a learning process, and that the best thing i can do is move forward and make good decisions. and that's exactly what i've been doing today.

i have 12 points left for the day, plus the 4 activity points i earned at the gym this morning. 16 points should last me to the end of the day easily.