a new start

wow. i really don't know what to say right now. staring at this blank screen, words are escaping me. there's so much going on in my life right now i don't know where to begin!

ok - breath in, breath out - let's start small. first things first. well, this week and next i'm working a temporary job at a graphic design studio. i love it here! while my role is minimal (this week i'm repsonsible for fielding all phone calls - what this really means is that i talk on the phone for about a minute an hour, 2 tops), i'm gaining great exposure to an industry i know almost zilch about. it's great! yesterday, for example, the office received proofs for the winter campaign for a major food and beverage brand. strange to think that they're already planning for the holiday season, but then again, i guess it's only 4 months away (wow, don't hate me ruining one of your last summer days with that thought - i already hate myself for thinking it!) next week i'm working on location for a photo shoot for a magazine ad.

this is getting easier - what else, what else? i start my "real life" job in just over 5 weeks. i'm really looking forward to it, but slightly terrified at the same time. after spending 6 - 7 weeks doing absolutely nothing with my life (ok, bit of an overstatement - more on what i've been up to later), i've realized that i need to be busy. if i'm not busy, i make myself busy by freaking out about things i don't need to freak out about. like the fact that i'm single. 80% of the time i'm a-ok with being single - in fact, for the most part i'm thrilled about it - but that other 20% of the time it's, "why does no one like me?" or, "i'm going to die single and alone with cats". horrible thoughts that i realize are completely irrational and insignificant most days, but make me choke up with fear on days when i have nothing to do. those are the days i need to distract myself. i least i'm handling these insecurities in a proactive way: when i feel these thoughts creeping on i try to go for a run or workout at the gym. ANYWAYS, taking this job has made me realize how happy i am to not be going back to school this year. i'm ready to gain hands on experience and to work on building my career as opposed to my transcript. a new start indeed!

other major things on my plate right now: (1) moving out (currently living at home with my parents), (2) paying off the debt i took on to go traveling, (3) working out (despite my best efforts i packed on a good 10 lbs while traveling - most is gone already, but still working on those last few stubborn pounds), (4) building my fall wardrobe, and (5) seeing as much of my friends and family as i possibly can before i start work in october. now, i realize that (1), (2), and (4) are slightly hypocritical, but hell, i effing love clothes and fall is my fashion nirvana. i mean, have you seen the size of this month's elle? well, i have and let's just say i have my work cut out for me (after all, i barely bought anything for summer since i spent the bulk of it traveling and bumming around my cottage). another reason i'm looking forward to starting my job: the steady income that will make balancing these things much, much easier.

back in toronto

the past few days have been a blur: had my last night out at university (actually this time), moved back home, cleaned and gutted my apartment, etc. not to mention all of the good byes! for someone who has been "ready" to leave university for the past few months, i got pretty emotional about it all. i was especially sad to leave my roommate and our mutual best-friend nem (code name). good thing my roommate is still my roommate, as we're moving out together in the fall again. i would miss her too much!

life at home has been, well, life at home. hung out with my new roommates tonight (by this i mean my mom and dad). wasn't all that bad - had my frist home-cooked meal in a long time! and my mom's a chef so you know it was delicious. mmm, got to love her fajitas!

slipped up on both monday and tuesday. ugh! i was doing really well on both days until about 9 pm. on monday i got super drunk, so of course all rational decision making went out the window. and yesterday i thought to myself, "you deserve a treat after these four years of hard work", so i ordered a cookie sundae for dessert when i went out to dinner with my mom and rooms. at least we shared it 3 ways! ahhh, still came home and had a mini feast on ice cream. god, i love ice cream.

anyways, back on track today. i've only had 16.5 points to eat so far today, and am wondering how i'm going to get to 23 in the next 3 hours. i wish i had this problem all of the time. i'm thinking of making myself a peanut butter and banana smoothie. two of my favorite things in the entire world blended until drinkable = phenomenal. also, i got in a great workout today - 30 mins running intervals at the gym (total of 3.25 miles) and 20 mins on the stationary bike. i walked up a storm shopping, but am not going to count that as activity. with 2 weeks until i leave, i mean business!

here's what i've had to eat today:

1 egg (2)
1 whole wheat tortilla (1)
little of bit of lettuce and tomato (0)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/4 cup fresh raspberries --> another perk of being home is the fresh fruit (0)

6 pieces salmon sushi (3.5)
1 green salad with 1 tsp dressing (1)

1 grande iced coffee with 2 pumps sugar-free mocha syrup and splash of skim milk (0.5)
1 large apple (2)

3 oz. chicken (2.5)
1 tsp olive oil (1) --> my mom says that she only used 1 tsp for the entire thing, but she looked a little a shifty when she said it...
1 whole wheat tortilla (1)
1/4 cup salsa (0)
1/2 cup plain yogurt (1)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

total is 16.5 points. practically a miracle. i don't know how this happened. it's as if my body is saying, "stop eating you gluten you!" i don't know why it's not hungry. i'll forever remember today as "the day i just wasn't hungry". i doubt i'll ever have a day like today again. i'm perpetually hungry/wanting to eat.

anyways, enough about my crazy day. as already mentioned, i went shopping for some cute numbers for my trip. i would post pictures of what i bought, but can't seem to find any online. i got 3 light-weight jersey dresses: 1 royal blue, 1 bubble-gum pink, and 1 brown. the brown one is stunning, if i do say so myself. it's got all of this braided detailing... aaamazing. also picked up a cute high waisted skirt and a pair of shorts. ok, perhaps not the most practical things, but i need to look nice when i go out!

oh, and mr. new zealand sent me an email saying that he's booked and paid for all of his flights. crazy to think that he's actually coming with me for part of my trip! and to think that this is the same guy i meet all those weeks ago. hubba hubba, he is sooo dreamy (disclaimer: i do not, in fact, write for tween magazines, although i definitely have the vocab to). strange how the world works sometimes.

sunny skies = drinking outside

another beautiful day! makes me want to crack out the summer dresses and decorated sandals. god, i love spring. winter is just so blah.

have to keep this short, as i'm about to go for drinks with friends on - you guessed it - a patio. pretty exciting. first outdoor drinking adventure of the year. wahoo!

today i've had to eat:

1/2 cup plain astro yogurt (1) (ran out of source yogurts this morning)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)

1/4 cup skim milk in coffee (0.5)

2 pieces of whole wheat bread (2)
2 slices of deli-turkey (1)
lettuce and tomato (0)

1/4 large white pita (0.5)
1 1/2 tbsp. hummus (1)

1 grande skinny vanilla latte (3) (here i go with the lingo again)

1/2 cup all bran flakes (1)
1/2 cup kashi golean crunch! (2)
1 cup plain silk light (1)
4 large strawberries (0) --> these may actually be 1 point, have to double check
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)

9 points left. since we'll most likely be grabbing bar food for dinner, i had a big bowl of cereal around 5 pm. hopefully it tides me over for the eveing - i'm a flipping animal around food when i'm hungry. probably should have had a snack with some more protein in it, but the berries i bought today at the grocery store just looked so good!

i had to work on a group project this morning, which kind of sucked (our meeting started at 9:30 am - i'm not even human at the hour in the morning - note to self: this will have to change when i start work in the fall). i met my roomie for lebanesse food after. since i had a small sandwich at our meeting, i just nibbled at her plate (disclaimer: usually i don't do this, but rooms and i are so tight we don't mind sharing the occasional pita and hummus appetizer).

anyways, i then went shopping and bought 2 shirts at american apparel. god, i love american apparel. it's so effing smart. i mean, cute little clothes in every color of the rainbow? genius!! one draw back to american apparel (and this is by no means thier fault): the new location in london is only a few blocks away from me, so i drop oodles of money there each month. it's so accessible i plan outfits around clothes i don't even own yet. tonight's ensemble, for example, involves me running down the street to pick up a new vest. seriously, i need to get this addiction under control. it's like i need to go to aa for aa. brutal.

okkk, so enough about clothing. let's talk about eating (baby, let's talk about you and... i'm stopping now). i've been 100% on plan for 6 days now. i haven't been able to stay on track like this since january. it's inevitable that i'm going to go over my 35 flex tonight, but i'm not going to go over by too much (you got that stomach?). my plan of attack: make smart choices and say no to grease. and that includes you, delicious poutine from sammy souvlaki's.