since my eating habits have been downright dirty for the past week or so, i hereby claim today as "re-committment day". yes friends, i mean serious business - no more post-bar food, no more hungover breakfasts, no more junk. i weighed in today and the scale showed a staggering 148.8 lbs. i haven't been this heavy since the day after christmas. it's time for some serious changes.
my goals for this week are:
1. exercise 5 times
2. use only 35 flex points --> disclaimer: can be used on alcohol
3. eat at home as much as possible
4. walk everywhere
here's what i've had to eat so far today:
1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup unsweetened frozen raspberries (0)
1/2 cup nature's path heritage flakes (1)
7 crushed almonds (1)
1 all bran bar (2)
1 source yogurt (1)
2/3 cup cooked whole wheat pasta (1.5)
1/3 cup veggie ground round (1)
1 tsp. olive oil (1)
1/2 cup crushed tomatoes (0)
loads of veggies
1 yogurt, vector, and berry parfait (sold at school snack bar, nutrition info. found online) (4)
2 cups edamame (3)
10 pieces sushi (5.5)
that brings me to 22 points with 3 remaining. my roomie and i walked home from school, so that earned me 1 activity point. i also plan on going to the gym later today. if i'm able to make it, my goal is to earn 3 activity points. i haven't exercised since friday afternoon and i'm beginning to feel it in my muscles. isn't it strange how your body craves exercise after a while?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
one of those days
when matt and i broke up last weekend the first thing my mom said to me was, "you're going to have your good days and your bad days. just remember that you'll get through it. you're a tough cookie!" (i kid you not about the tough cookie bit). today is a bad day. in fact, today has been the worst day post-break up yet. i don't feel like a tough cookie at all - i feel like a lump of emotional dough.
the "break up blues" are really starting to sink it. i feel as though i've lost one of my best friends and in many ways i have. i miss him so much right now. i'm worried that if i go to asia i'll ruin all chances of us getting back together. but then i think to myself, "wasn't this the entire point of our breaking up to begin with?" you don't just break up with someone to get back together with them again a week or so later. i guess i'm just starting to really feel what life is like without him. and right now it's very lonely.
i want to call him but i know that doing so will only hurt him more. unless i'm 150000% sure i want to get back together with him it'll just cause more harm than good. and after what i've put him through, as well as myself, there is no way i'm going to do that to either of us. i guess that just goes to show that this momentary blip is just that - a day long lapse in judgement.
one of my personal goals for myself was not to run from my emotions during this time, but to face them head on. but tonight i think i need a break from all of this sadness. so here's my game plan for the next 4 or 5 hours:
1. clean up kitchen (done) and room
2. go for a run on the treadmill downstairs (try for 30 mins.)
3. call parents about trip planning - they're nervous nellies when it comes to me travelling through asia on my own (done)
4. prepare visa applications for tomorrow morning (done)
5. write 1 page for negotiations group project
6. read global environment of business case for tomorrow
7. make lunch (done)
8. read!
the "break up blues" are really starting to sink it. i feel as though i've lost one of my best friends and in many ways i have. i miss him so much right now. i'm worried that if i go to asia i'll ruin all chances of us getting back together. but then i think to myself, "wasn't this the entire point of our breaking up to begin with?" you don't just break up with someone to get back together with them again a week or so later. i guess i'm just starting to really feel what life is like without him. and right now it's very lonely.
i want to call him but i know that doing so will only hurt him more. unless i'm 150000% sure i want to get back together with him it'll just cause more harm than good. and after what i've put him through, as well as myself, there is no way i'm going to do that to either of us. i guess that just goes to show that this momentary blip is just that - a day long lapse in judgement.
one of my personal goals for myself was not to run from my emotions during this time, but to face them head on. but tonight i think i need a break from all of this sadness. so here's my game plan for the next 4 or 5 hours:
1. clean up kitchen (done) and room
2. go for a run on the treadmill downstairs (try for 30 mins.)
3. call parents about trip planning - they're nervous nellies when it comes to me travelling through asia on my own (done)
4. prepare visa applications for tomorrow morning (done)
5. write 1 page for negotiations group project
6. read global environment of business case for tomorrow
7. make lunch (done)
8. read!
Friday, March 28, 2008
i heart me
i'm sick and tired of my own self-loathing. sure, i appear to be bright and cheerful on the outside, but there's always this little voice in my head saying, "oh no, don't eat that - it'll make you fat!" or "if only you were 5 lbs. thinner you would be so much happier." stop it! (yes, i realize that i did just yell at voices in my head... starting to feel like a bit of a loon). but i truly do want it to stop. i want to be feel comfortable and happy in my own skin. i want to stop putting myself down for having dessert once and while or only working out for 30 mins. when i needed to work out for 40 mins. to get that extra activity point.
when it comes down to it, i truly believe that i am happy with who i am - my person, my friends and family, my body. take today, for example. when i was lifting weights at the gym i felt so strong - i was proud of myself for what my body could do, not necessarily for how it looked doing it. these are the emotions i need to channel. and channel them i will!
that being said, i was hungover as all hell this morning, which resulted in a mini gorge on pancakes and chocolate chip cookies (president's choice "the decadent" cookies... all of you canadians out there know what i'm talking about). but, in the spirit of today's "i love me" theme, i am not going to feel bad about it. i made a choice and i'm moving on. ever since then i've been right on track - went to the gym and had a protein shake when i got home. i mean, could i have made healthier choices?!
ooo and interesting update on my friend from new zealand: he sent me a graduation card! how cute is that? looks like he's going to be joining me for one leg of my journey in june/july, as well. i'm pretty excited about it. we have a phone date coming up this week... i'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it!
i have a big weekend ahead of me, so i'm going to focus on making smart choices... and loving myself. yup, i'm going to be walking around as though i'm wearing one of those retro-chic "i heart ny" shirts, but instead of "ny" it says "me". that's right, uber dork here. but a dork that loves herself for who she is nonetheless!
when it comes down to it, i truly believe that i am happy with who i am - my person, my friends and family, my body. take today, for example. when i was lifting weights at the gym i felt so strong - i was proud of myself for what my body could do, not necessarily for how it looked doing it. these are the emotions i need to channel. and channel them i will!
that being said, i was hungover as all hell this morning, which resulted in a mini gorge on pancakes and chocolate chip cookies (president's choice "the decadent" cookies... all of you canadians out there know what i'm talking about). but, in the spirit of today's "i love me" theme, i am not going to feel bad about it. i made a choice and i'm moving on. ever since then i've been right on track - went to the gym and had a protein shake when i got home. i mean, could i have made healthier choices?!
ooo and interesting update on my friend from new zealand: he sent me a graduation card! how cute is that? looks like he's going to be joining me for one leg of my journey in june/july, as well. i'm pretty excited about it. we have a phone date coming up this week... i'm getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it!
i have a big weekend ahead of me, so i'm going to focus on making smart choices... and loving myself. yup, i'm going to be walking around as though i'm wearing one of those retro-chic "i heart ny" shirts, but instead of "ny" it says "me". that's right, uber dork here. but a dork that loves herself for who she is nonetheless!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
hello world!
i. feel. fabulous. today was the first morning i didn't wake up crying about matt. in fact, i didn't even really think about him until i wrote that sentence. i'm moving on. as jay-z would say "it's time for the next episode".
and time it is! i spent most of last night making plans for the summer. i'm about to embark on one of the biggest adventures of my life. i've decided to travel through asia with one of my friends for about 3 months. we're leaving for china around the 20th of april and don't plan on returning to canada until the end of july. our plan of attack is this: 3 weeks touring china; 3 weeks tbd (my friend is going to india, so i'm looking at meeting up with some other friends who will be in the area at the time); 1 month thailand, laos, combodia, and vietnam; 1 week thai islands; and then (hopefully) 3 weeks australia. so i know what you're probably thinking: damn, that's going to be expensive. and it will be - applying for a big ass loan is numero uno on today's to do list. slightly disappointed that australia didn't work out. however, my job requires me to travel quite a bit, so i plan on taking a 6-month transfer there in my first year or two of working.
also, i woke up today to a some super cute emails from a few of my friends back in toronto. they heard through the grapevine about what happened between matt and i over the weekend. wow - i've always known that i have great friends, but i was not expecting the amount of support that has been flooding in over the past few days.
yesterday i was completely on track with my eating (27 points - but earned 6 activity points so i had the extra 2 covered). i went for a run yesterday evening to release some tension and, to my surprise, i was able to run 40 mins. without stopping! i haven't been able to do that since last summer. shows that my fitness is improving. i'm practically an american gladiator.
going out tonight, so have to plan my day accordingly. my goal is to earn 4 activity points and to have 4 daily points left over for when i start drinking at the early hour of 7 pm. yup, tonight is going to be major. personally, i hope not to hook up with anyone. perhaps not the most pc goal, but it's true - i really don't want to rebound!
and time it is! i spent most of last night making plans for the summer. i'm about to embark on one of the biggest adventures of my life. i've decided to travel through asia with one of my friends for about 3 months. we're leaving for china around the 20th of april and don't plan on returning to canada until the end of july. our plan of attack is this: 3 weeks touring china; 3 weeks tbd (my friend is going to india, so i'm looking at meeting up with some other friends who will be in the area at the time); 1 month thailand, laos, combodia, and vietnam; 1 week thai islands; and then (hopefully) 3 weeks australia. so i know what you're probably thinking: damn, that's going to be expensive. and it will be - applying for a big ass loan is numero uno on today's to do list. slightly disappointed that australia didn't work out. however, my job requires me to travel quite a bit, so i plan on taking a 6-month transfer there in my first year or two of working.
also, i woke up today to a some super cute emails from a few of my friends back in toronto. they heard through the grapevine about what happened between matt and i over the weekend. wow - i've always known that i have great friends, but i was not expecting the amount of support that has been flooding in over the past few days.
yesterday i was completely on track with my eating (27 points - but earned 6 activity points so i had the extra 2 covered). i went for a run yesterday evening to release some tension and, to my surprise, i was able to run 40 mins. without stopping! i haven't been able to do that since last summer. shows that my fitness is improving. i'm practically an american gladiator.
going out tonight, so have to plan my day accordingly. my goal is to earn 4 activity points and to have 4 daily points left over for when i start drinking at the early hour of 7 pm. yup, tonight is going to be major. personally, i hope not to hook up with anyone. perhaps not the most pc goal, but it's true - i really don't want to rebound!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
i believe in horoscopes
check out my horoscope from this past saturday (the day matt and i officially called it quits):
"you've been trying hard to be what you imagine you ought to be rather than being who you are. respect is gained when people know you're true to your principles."
the past few days i've been thinking long and hard about why it didn't feel "right" with matt and i think my horoscope hits the nail on the head when it says that i was pretending to be something that i wasn't. matt's a great guy - as i've mentioned before - and for the past few years i've wanted him to be the guy for me. but in reality he wasn't, so i changed myself to be better suited to him and assumed that everything was a-ok. until i grew up a little more and realized that playing pretend is only fun for so long. i was sick of playing his girlfriend and am finally ready to be my own person. i'm officially boy free for the first time in 2.5 years and i couldn't be more excited to grow into myself. through all of this sadness i've learned a very valuable lesson: never compromise your own person to make someone else happy.
the past few days have been tough - i've definitely had my ups and downs - but my friends and family have been a great support to me. pretty sure i have plans every night for the next few days! exercise has also been a great stress relief. i've only taken one day off from working out in the past week (yesterday - we had a graduation dinner so i was short on time), which i'm very proud of myself for. it's reassuring to know that when the going gets tough, i get running! i've been venturing outside lately and the fresh air is definitely doing me some good. i even walked home from school today (about 35 min. walk) to clear my head. i'm really enjoying the time i'm taking for myself to think about everything that's been going on - even though most of my thought sessions often end in a blubbery phone call to my mom (god bless her little heart)!
while exercising has been great, my eating has seen better days. actually, it was just last night that my eating was off track. and by off track i mean completely derailed. i went to the keg with some friends for dinner, and let's just say that when you're half a bottle of wine in, there's no holding me back from that bread - mmm, keg bread is perhaps one of the best inventions of all time! eurydice just posted some motivating tips, so i'm thinking of printing them out and sticking them on my fridge. hey, a little inspiration never hurt anyone!
ooo and finally, new zealand boy is back and writing to me like it's his job (sweet! - sidenote: still considering myself boy free because he lives on the other side of the world), and it looks like i might be touring asia for the summer instead of settling in australia. it'll be interesting to see how my summer plans unfold over the next few days!
"you've been trying hard to be what you imagine you ought to be rather than being who you are. respect is gained when people know you're true to your principles."
the past few days i've been thinking long and hard about why it didn't feel "right" with matt and i think my horoscope hits the nail on the head when it says that i was pretending to be something that i wasn't. matt's a great guy - as i've mentioned before - and for the past few years i've wanted him to be the guy for me. but in reality he wasn't, so i changed myself to be better suited to him and assumed that everything was a-ok. until i grew up a little more and realized that playing pretend is only fun for so long. i was sick of playing his girlfriend and am finally ready to be my own person. i'm officially boy free for the first time in 2.5 years and i couldn't be more excited to grow into myself. through all of this sadness i've learned a very valuable lesson: never compromise your own person to make someone else happy.
the past few days have been tough - i've definitely had my ups and downs - but my friends and family have been a great support to me. pretty sure i have plans every night for the next few days! exercise has also been a great stress relief. i've only taken one day off from working out in the past week (yesterday - we had a graduation dinner so i was short on time), which i'm very proud of myself for. it's reassuring to know that when the going gets tough, i get running! i've been venturing outside lately and the fresh air is definitely doing me some good. i even walked home from school today (about 35 min. walk) to clear my head. i'm really enjoying the time i'm taking for myself to think about everything that's been going on - even though most of my thought sessions often end in a blubbery phone call to my mom (god bless her little heart)!
while exercising has been great, my eating has seen better days. actually, it was just last night that my eating was off track. and by off track i mean completely derailed. i went to the keg with some friends for dinner, and let's just say that when you're half a bottle of wine in, there's no holding me back from that bread - mmm, keg bread is perhaps one of the best inventions of all time! eurydice just posted some motivating tips, so i'm thinking of printing them out and sticking them on my fridge. hey, a little inspiration never hurt anyone!
ooo and finally, new zealand boy is back and writing to me like it's his job (sweet! - sidenote: still considering myself boy free because he lives on the other side of the world), and it looks like i might be touring asia for the summer instead of settling in australia. it'll be interesting to see how my summer plans unfold over the next few days!
Monday, March 24, 2008
this post is not about feeling sorry for myself
since i've been up to my elbows in feelings for the past few days, i'm going to dedicate this post to everything that is not relationship related. yup, you heard me. i'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. disclaimer: this does not mean that i'm going to be miss. happy-go-lucky from here on out. i just need a break from all of my sadness!
today i've really been focusing on (1) school work (lame!), (2) eating well (1 point left for the day, but i know i can do it!), and (3) doing feel good things (redecorating my room, working out, cleaning, reading, etc.)
so let's start with school. it effing blows. i hate school right now. i have 2 weeks of class left but it feels like an eternity. i can't wait for summer! (see? no miss. happy-go-lucky here)
ok, now eating well. check! here's what i've had to eat today:
1 scoop whey powder (2)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup silk plain light (0.5)
1 nutri-grain bar sweet and salty bar (3) --> mmm! these are delicious. they don't fill me up in the least, but they taste sooo good!
1 pita pit falafel salad (3) with 1/4 cup store-bought hummus (2)
1 oz. chedder cheese (3) --> oh, i was so pissed when i put this into the tracker and out popped 3 points. i wanted to kill all things dairy.
1 medium apple (1)
1 1/2 cup edamame in shells (2)
12 pieces sushi (6 salmon and 6 avocado) (6.5)
mmm, sushi dinner is my favorite! even though i only have 1 point left for the day, i'm not too worried about it. i plan on going to the gym later today and getting in a major sweat session. my goal is to do 35 mins. on the elliptical trainer and any remaining time doing weights (here's a little inside info on my gym routine: for whatever reason i thought it was a great idea to buy a membership to the gym furthest away from my house this year. did i mention that i don't have a car? and that it's a 45 min. bus ride away? oh, and that the goodlife is only a 5 min. walk away? yup, i make good choices. anyways, i've turned into a raging car whore, fully dependent on my friends for rides to the gym. so i'm not really at liberty to ask my friends to stay longer when they're pooped or vice versa)
so working out brings me to number 3: feel good things. here's my plan of attack for the rest of the evening. you'll notice that there is no room for being sad in my plan. i'm saving sadness for tomorrow.
1. finish presentation for class tomorrow. ok, not really feel good, but must be done nonetheless. and i'll feel better when it's done - right now it's just looming over my head!
2. do laundry. because who doesn't feel great when their towels are clean?!
3. redecorate my room.
4. read! i'm in the middle of a great book right now called "the thirteenth tale". i also just bought "eat, pray, love" as per the recommendations of some of my fellow bloggers.
oh, but before i sign off, there are 2 things that are really peeving me right now (swear to god that's the first and last time i'll ever use the word "peeve"):
1. my friend from new zealand hasn't written me since saturday (to be fair i didn't respond until sunday night)! but still! agh, i know i didn't break up with matt for this guy, but a little male attention would be appreciated right now! especially safe male attention - it's hard to "actually" rebound (if you catch my drift...) when the guy you're supposedly rebounding with lives on the other side of the world.
2. i was hoping to go to australia this summer to work but there's a chance that none of my friends will be able to go with me. that would suck. i suppose i could always go on my own. oh well, i'm sure it will work out for the best in the long run!
today i've really been focusing on (1) school work (lame!), (2) eating well (1 point left for the day, but i know i can do it!), and (3) doing feel good things (redecorating my room, working out, cleaning, reading, etc.)
so let's start with school. it effing blows. i hate school right now. i have 2 weeks of class left but it feels like an eternity. i can't wait for summer! (see? no miss. happy-go-lucky here)
ok, now eating well. check! here's what i've had to eat today:
1 scoop whey powder (2)
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened raspberries (0)
1 source yogurt (1)
1/2 cup silk plain light (0.5)
1 nutri-grain bar sweet and salty bar (3) --> mmm! these are delicious. they don't fill me up in the least, but they taste sooo good!
1 pita pit falafel salad (3) with 1/4 cup store-bought hummus (2)
1 oz. chedder cheese (3) --> oh, i was so pissed when i put this into the tracker and out popped 3 points. i wanted to kill all things dairy.
1 medium apple (1)
1 1/2 cup edamame in shells (2)
12 pieces sushi (6 salmon and 6 avocado) (6.5)
mmm, sushi dinner is my favorite! even though i only have 1 point left for the day, i'm not too worried about it. i plan on going to the gym later today and getting in a major sweat session. my goal is to do 35 mins. on the elliptical trainer and any remaining time doing weights (here's a little inside info on my gym routine: for whatever reason i thought it was a great idea to buy a membership to the gym furthest away from my house this year. did i mention that i don't have a car? and that it's a 45 min. bus ride away? oh, and that the goodlife is only a 5 min. walk away? yup, i make good choices. anyways, i've turned into a raging car whore, fully dependent on my friends for rides to the gym. so i'm not really at liberty to ask my friends to stay longer when they're pooped or vice versa)
so working out brings me to number 3: feel good things. here's my plan of attack for the rest of the evening. you'll notice that there is no room for being sad in my plan. i'm saving sadness for tomorrow.
1. finish presentation for class tomorrow. ok, not really feel good, but must be done nonetheless. and i'll feel better when it's done - right now it's just looming over my head!
2. do laundry. because who doesn't feel great when their towels are clean?!
3. redecorate my room.
4. read! i'm in the middle of a great book right now called "the thirteenth tale". i also just bought "eat, pray, love" as per the recommendations of some of my fellow bloggers.
oh, but before i sign off, there are 2 things that are really peeving me right now (swear to god that's the first and last time i'll ever use the word "peeve"):
1. my friend from new zealand hasn't written me since saturday (to be fair i didn't respond until sunday night)! but still! agh, i know i didn't break up with matt for this guy, but a little male attention would be appreciated right now! especially safe male attention - it's hard to "actually" rebound (if you catch my drift...) when the guy you're supposedly rebounding with lives on the other side of the world.
2. i was hoping to go to australia this summer to work but there's a chance that none of my friends will be able to go with me. that would suck. i suppose i could always go on my own. oh well, i'm sure it will work out for the best in the long run!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
i had rabbit for lunch
easter update: i just ate an entire chocolate bunny in one sitting. maybe i'll start focusing on that whole "being healthy" thing right now.
personal drama update: i've spoken with some friends and am feeling better and better about my decision by the minute. break ups suck, but i'll get through it. besides, australia is getting closer by the minute...
personal drama update: i've spoken with some friends and am feeling better and better about my decision by the minute. break ups suck, but i'll get through it. besides, australia is getting closer by the minute...
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